Just another Monday headache

I'm in a funk today.  I didn't start off in a funk.

I was awake at midnight because I had a bad headache and slept all afternoon.  I didn't want to go to bed like normal because then I'd have too much sleep, so I stayed up a bit late to play with my Amazon Photo albums.

I was planning to go to bed shortly, when I heard what sounded like a burst of machine-gun fire at 1 am and that had me freaked completely out.  Do I call the sheriff or not?  The last time I called I felt like a nuisance to them.  So now I don't feel comfortable calling, so I kind of run the potential conversation through my head before I dial.

Dispatcher:  911, how can I help you?

Me:  I"m pretty certain I just heard automatic weapons fire near the intersection of Stockton Hill Road and Northern.

Dispatcher:  Can you give me a description of the shooter?

Me:  No, I didn't see anything.

Dispatcher:  What did the vehicle look like?

Me:  I didn't see a vehicle.

Dispatcher:  How do you know it was gunfire?

Me:  I'm familiar with the sound.

Dispatcher:  Okay.....how?  (doubtfulness dripping in his or her voice)

I'll pass on that, thank you.

I crept between the sheets at 3 am, told my Sugar Bear I love him and immediately fell asleep.

I woke at 8.  I made coffee and peed.  I didn't feel particularly good, but I was looking forward to making a list and checking things off it.  Yesterday was basically lost to me.  I spent the morning looking for javalina while being jostled around in the truck; and the afternoon in a drug-induced slumber.

Somehow, my list has grown into five lists!

Here are their titles:
   1) After Sat
   2) Put off
   3) 2021
   4) (Untitled) but full page
   5) (Untitled) but newly started list

My lists which are supposed to help me turn my big jobs into doable bits of work are becoming somewhat overwhelming.

I made a 6th list.  Which became today's working list.  This is what it looked like, when I started my day.

9-10     Photo suspicious truck/start blog
10-11   Photo organization
11-12   Call Uptown Drug
12-1     Call about old med bills which haven't been sent to right insurers
1-2       Lunch
2-3       Get ready
3-4       North Country appointment
4-5       Request specific VA records
5-6       Make copies of records to give to VA at March appointment
6-7       Change passwords
7-8       Recipe organization
8-9       Finish blog

I took a photo of the suspicious truck parked across the street at the vacant garage which keeps getting broken into when my husband didn't get up like he said.  I didn't get a very good photo from the dining room table but my cell phone camera doesn't work unless the phone is plugged in and it was more than an hour from the time I told him about the truck and when I took the photo.  The truck was gone when he got up.  I tried to start this blog then but I logged out of all my gmail accounts 2 days ago and couldn't get logged back in this morning to access my Blogger account.  So that had to wait but did get done.

I did spend a lot of time working on photo organization this morning because it's easier to multi-task when I have a framework for the day upon which to hang the details.  So while I was working on uploading photo disks, I could also work on figuring out how to use the Family Vault, how to invite and uninvite people to my albums, and organizing the photos I have in the unlimited storage of Amazon Drive.  I have around 1500 photos available in my slideshows!

I called Uptown Drug and let them know they can come pick up the Hoyer lift.  I also found out they're a Medicare-approved provider and they're going to try to get the paperwork from Dr. Braze's office Medicare previously approved so we can get repaid the portion Medicare should be paying which is around half.  We don't need the lift anymore since my husband was released by his surgeon last Thursday and is 95% healed!  He is transferring himself in and out of bed now.  Woohoo!  This lady is tired.

I called the Lab provider and explained to them that they need to bill Medicare.  They will.  Apologized to them as we had told North Country that Eddie's insurance had changed but North Country didn't change their records, nor did they bother to tell any of the new providers they sent Eddie to see since the changes.  Tried to get online so I could check on whether the urologist at Flagstaff Surgical Associates had billed Care1st as I'd asked them and they'd agreed to back in June 2019.  I tried calling Care1st last week, but was hung up on and I obtained a different number to try from Medicare because they're always so helpful.  I couldn't get online.  Nothing in the house was working that needed the internet.  Did some things that didn't require internet access.

I started the letter to request some specific VA records but I need the name and the dates and I didn't feel like getting up to get the file which has it, so I put it off and by the end of the day was too tired to finish it.

Consolidated all my passwords to the same location.  I know we're not supposed to write them down but I literally have more than 100 and we're also not supposed to use the same one for multiple sites and they're not supposed to be too easy.  And we're also supposed to change them annually.  I'm doing the best I can. I'm almost done with this and I'm going to go take a shower and be ready to go to the doctor when our ride shows up an hour early!  I feel a little bit of panic and frustration but then let it go.  These are my family, people who we love as if related by blood.  They don't expect as much from me as I expect from myself.  I finish up since I'm decent even if still in my sleeping attire.

Then I go put on fresh clothes.  I showered on Saturday morning and haven't done anything strenuous.  My husband just had his first shower yesterday one day shy of 7 weeks because he wasn't able to transfer onto his shower seat after his surgery.  We tried to tell the medical staff this but they weren't listening.

While we're all sitting around visiting and waiting until it's time to go to the doctor, I try calling Care1st again.  I speak with an Elizabeth.  After she asks me for information with a couple of incomplete sentences so I'm not certain what she was asking, she placed me on hold.  Then she hung up on me!  I called the urologist's office again and left a message asking if they billed Care1st as I'd requested.  Eddie started to thank me for making the call for him.

THIS IS A BONE OF CONTENTION!  I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS FOR HIM.  I HAVE CLEARLY STATED THAT I DO NOT WANT TO, I DID NOT AGREE TO, I WAS NOT ASKED TO, I AM NOT AGREEING TO, I AM NOT WILLINGLY OR HAPPILY DOING THIS.  I DON'T WANT HIS THANKS.  I want him to take responsibility and do it hisself.  It angers me greatly that while I'm dealing with people on the phone who don't want to do their jobs right and I don't have any power over them because there's no accountability; he's scrolling through his Facebook feed, or watching hunting shows, or visiting with friends.  By not taking care of this yourself when you could have, by putting me in a position where I feel I have to take care of it because I don't just ignore bills until I get sued or they give up; you let me know exactly how important I and my peace of mind are to you in relationship to your own.  Not impressed.

We loaded up and left.  We met Dr. Thompson.  Unfortunately the good patients of Kingman have run him off, he has no interest in working in a stressful place.  I don't blame him.  He's a dark-skinned African-American.  I still remember the rock outside of town and someone else said they can just imagine what some of the older people in town may have said when they saw him.  Bless his heart.  I hope he finds a place to retire and call home.  Seemed very competent and thorough.  We explained Eddie will continue to see Dr. Mahmood Khan because he's a special case and NP Jennifer Kern couldn't handle his case but he'll still come to North Country for routine things.  I had asked for a flu shot and chair Rx to replace the one written in 2018.  Eddie asked for a pneumonia shot and CPAP Rx too.  He had said he was going to talk to his friend Theresa's wife but I guess he changed his mind.  They were out of flu shots and aren't getting any more.  There are only 2 kinds of pneumonia shots and one is for under 65, one is for over.  I explained Eddie had one at Sunrise Hospital in Las Vegas, Cameo remembered it was in 2019.  He didn't get the pneumonia shot today because it was probably the same one he got last year and you're only supposed to get it once.  They took blood to do his A1C and it's very good.  The doctor wrote scripts for the chair scale and the CPAP  titration.  The doctor said normally you would simply call the CPAP provider and tell them it needed to be adjusted but Kingman seems unique to him so he wrote it anyway.  We told him it was a pleasure to meet him.  Eddie handed me Theresa's business card, so now he's expecting me to call her to arrange this adjustment even though he's the one that knows either her or her husband.  Even though he knows I HATE doing this and having agreed to do it for him and he doesn't even ask.

Got home.  Got into Care1st website.  There are no explanations of benefits on the website that I could find.  I read through a Member Services catalog and on page 43 it says if you get a bill for a service that is covered, not to pay it.  I've been on the phone, in their queue for more than 2 hours now, no answer.  My husband can hear the hold music playing but he can't figure out why I'd be upset with him.  Hmmm.  Maybe because you've got me doing what's really your responsibility?

Trust me.  I know.  I have a choice here.  I cannot change that he won't accept responsibility and that means he won't call on bills he doesn't understand.  He'll either pay or ignore them.  He won't do anything to move things along if he doesn't want to do it.  So if he doesn't want to go in, he's not going to make an appointment.  Like a lot of men, he's willing to risk his life rather than do whatever it is he doesn't want to do.  There are things in this I can change.  Am I willing?  I need more time to think it through.  At the moment though, yes I'm downright angry with him and if he wants to be obtuse, that's on him.  I sent an email to Care1st asking them to call tomorrow.

I thought about finishing my letter to the VA and even got up and pulled my service records folder but my eyes are tired, the light is fading, and if I'm going to look through them again; I'm also going to pull the records I want to make copies of to give to the VA.  And yes.  I just realized I made an error of thought.  I have 2 things going on.  1)  I applied for VA disability because it was required when I applied for social security disability.  I've reviewed my service records and while I was sent records from Fort Gordon, GA and there is info for my miscarriage and my broken wrist; there's nothing about my broken foot.  However, I did find I absence slip due to my injured foot that appears signed by the sick call doctor.  I need to specifically order the missing records.  2)  I'm being seen at the VA Clinic.  I was sent to Dr. Bernadette Braze at KRMC and she said I don't have sinusitis but both Multicare and my VA records indicate I do have sinusitis.  Multicare records have allergy test results and sleep apnea records.  I also want to give them a copy of my kidney stone test results.  I also saw in my VA records where my left knee was giving me problems.  Neurologist said it could be possible the foot could've started the neuropathy.  I think the VA and Neuro should at least have the records.  I was thinking I could do both at the same time but I think I actually need to do one, and then the other or I'll end up with a big cluster on my hands.

Weird thing I read today, from the Member Services handbook:
   Not an Emergency:  Headache, including migraine
   Emergency:  Severe, persistent headache

I'm not going to work on recipe organization.  My blog is done.  




 

Here's A Peek Inside

The idea for this blog occurred to me midday yesterday; but by the end of the day, I was too tired to write it.  It's too good.  I'm doing it today.  I'm going to give you a peek into the inside of my mind.  This is how my mind works.  These are some of my thoughts, captured for you.  I'm going to focus on one tiny iota of the universe of thoughts that go on inside my head at any given moment.

What miracles we are!

What if I tried to explain how checklists fit into my life.  I remember writing lists as early as 11 years of age when I started babysitting and earning my own money.  I made lists of how I planned to spend it.  I usually have a list at hand.  It helps keep me engaged in activities that move me toward my goals.

Oh yeah, yesterday I was reminiscing about my neighbors at Edwards Air Force Base, California and that I should write a blog about them, Barelas and Wendy.

My lists help me feel like I'm accomplishing something.

I'd been getting an increasing number of migraines and my neurologist put me on Topiramate. The side effects of Topiramate include insomnia, hyperactivity, confusion, anger, blah, blah, blah.  I got em.  I'm waiting to see my doctor again because I don't want to stop taking it!  Oh, the migraines were so bad and day after day after day.  That is no way to live!

In order to make this realistic, I've promised myself, I won't go back and make changes because it doesn't make sense.  This is my mind, sometimes it doesn't make sense.

I usually have a list.  If I don't have a list, I wander aimlessly and nothing much gets done.  People comment often on how organized I am.  My secret is that I have to be organized in my exterior because there is chaos within!

I've believed I have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) since I educated myself about it when my 5-year-old son was diagnosed with it.  I was horrified at first.  I didn't want it.  I didn't want my son to have it.  And yet, I recognized us within the pages.  I've never been diagnosed by a doctor.  I never felt the need.  Like many females with it, I learned coping skills and didn't need medical intervention.

FUCK!  The voices in my head!  My voices!  The voices in my head won't shut up!  They're all chattering at the same time!  And they can't be heard.  And they know it.  So they're all increasing their voluME.  ANE NOWW!  THEY"RE ALL YELLLINGGG!!!

They're a dozen different ideas pulling my thoughts toward a dozen different directions.

BREATHE!!!!

Breathe!

breathe.

When I got up today I knew I was going to write a blog on this topic tonight.

I wake up.  I get up to go to the bathroom.  My husband asks me how I am.  I don't answer.  I've explained many times that I don't immediately know how I am and I don't want to wake up enough when all I need to do is pee and come back to bed.  I come back to bed.  I wake and roll over a few times.  I wake and become engaged in a program on television.  When it ends, I get up.  It's noon.  We don't normally stay in bed this late, but we did today.  I made coffee. I looked at my checklists for yesterday, which was Sunday, and today.  I chose the 10 items I wanted to accomplish today.  They were:

1.  Wash bedspreads at the laundromat
2.  Whipstitch hall curtain 
3.  Banana pie
4.  Drop off at FedEx 9-5
5.  Vacuum house
6.  Finishing touches on the guest room
7.  Brownies
8.  Get rid of old veggies in frig
9.  Blog-my mind
10. Photo org

I'm very excited because my sisters-in-law are coming this Saturday.  Cathy lives nearby in Phoenix and is coming for the weekend with her husband.  Debbie used to live in the same town as us but has moved to Texas and is visiting us for a time.  I love her like she's my flesh and blood.  

Whatever is going on in my brain seems to have the same characteristics as ADHD, little glitches, or potholes, where the communication bundle, or thought package goes missing, or more often is just temporarily delayed.  

I've been trying to figure out how to use my Amazon Prime Amazon Drive and Amazon Photos and Microsoft OneDrive benefits to organize my family photos.  I'm also trying to get all my cell phone photos onto a Cloud program so I can get a new cell phone as the current one has been broken for a year.  I accidentally had photos of my ex in a slideshow on the bedroom television of My Sugar Bear and my Love Shack.  Yikes!  It's fixed.  And I organized some more photos.  I also moved photos from OneDrive to Amazon Photos, so that's cool.  Now if I could just figure out how to retrieve my photos from the broken Verizon phone...I miss Cricket.  

I have to blog about that thing Mom was talking about on Sunday.  That's crazy!  I need to talk to her about that.  I hope she's okay.  Shoot.  Too late to call now.  I wouldn't think a fitting would be painful, just weird.  Maybe I should send her a get well card.  LOL.  I should definitely blog about it.  I can't believe Kathie Lee Gifford isn't joking about that!

I should also blog about Mrs. White.  Right?  Right.  

I sent my sister a text asking if one of her new granddaughters has a birthday on February 5, like one of mine.  I wrote notes in my medical notebook about my sinus issues and psoriasis.  A friend stopped in to visit with my husband. 

At four, I loaded a boxed up broken printer and two dirty bedspreads on the side by side and left.  I refueled at the Gas 'N Grub.  I took the box to the FedEx drop off location.  I returned home to pick up soap.  I took the bedspreads to the laundromat and washed them then returned home to dry them.  Eddie's six pm timer was going off when I got home.    

Every time I see "call attorney" on my list of things to do, I'm uncertain whether or not I should do it, I've decided I want to blog about it. 

I baked the pie crust.  I dusted the guest room.  I placed a tablecloth on the table.  Put the bedspread on.  Put the finishing touches on the guest room.  Vacuumed the entire house.  Changed out the bag.   

Helped Eddie in the kitchen.  I sliced up some bananas.  Whipped some pudding, milk, and cool whip together.  Put it in a pie shell.  Put the banana pie in the frig to cool.  Reheated some homemade broccoli and cheese soup.    

Took a call with our sons and their children. Discussed details of the upcoming vacation!  Such exciting news! 

Spooned up some banana pie, it wasn't set yet.  

Made a warm ham and cheese sandwich and ate it while I wrote this blog.  

It's the end of the day and much later than my usual bedtime, this is what is still on my list.  Remember when I said I chose 10 for the day?  Well, it so happens that even though I left 3 of those 10, I completed 12 things that didn't make the top ten list.  I also did many, many things not on the list, ever.  

1.  Whipstitch hall curtain 
2.  Brownies
3.  Get rid of old veggies in the frig

Anyway, thanks for coming along for the ride.  The pie still hasn't set.  Lol.  

I Prefer to Feel Foolish

Today I was dancing around my kitchen while I was pulling out the ingredients to make fudge while listening to praise and worship music. I was feeling so in love with my Heavenly Father and so grateful for all the blessings I have in my life.  

I'm emotionally immature. I was angry most of my life and was a rage-a-holic for at least a couple decades without even realizing it. Alanon saved my sanity. I found my way back to God but this time I found a God that I could understand, it means there are things about God I don't understand right now and that's okay because all will be revealed when I need to know or when I get to heaven.  

The thing is I've still got a lot of emotional growing up to do. I didn't get started until really late in life. My poor husband. It's like he's married to a 55 year old teenager. He's amazing though. He's a new Christian but God knew what He was doing when he brought the two of us together. I lost my mind the other night and was yelling at my husband and I'm not even sure why. I just know I was scared and angry and yelling and I know my man DOES NOT deserve to be treated that way. I told him I was sorry and the next thing he said to me was, "I love you". 

There have been and still are times I act a fool in my own crazy thoughts and self centered actions. When they are done, I feel so ashamed of myself and there is nothing I can do to remedy the situation.  

There have been times when I've felt foolish for acting out my Christian faith by praying in public, or giving God the praise for something He's done, or giving my testimony.  Afterwards, I've always been aware God was with me and I had no need to be afraid or ashamed. Today, I thought I might feel embarrassed if my husband and sister returned from the doctor early and caught me dancing for God with my arms held high.  

Today I realized I'd prefer to feel foolish for living out my Christian beliefs than to foolishly attempt to live without God in my own crazy and self centered thoughts and actions.