Today I was dancing around my kitchen while I was pulling out the ingredients to make fudge while listening to praise and worship music. I was feeling so in love with my Heavenly Father and so grateful for all the blessings I have in my life.
I'm emotionally immature. I was angry most of my life and was a rage-a-holic for at least a couple decades without even realizing it. Alanon saved my sanity. I found my way back to God but this time I found a God that I could understand, it means there are things about God I don't understand right now and that's okay because all will be revealed when I need to know or when I get to heaven.
The thing is I've still got a lot of emotional growing up to do. I didn't get started until really late in life. My poor husband. It's like he's married to a 55 year old teenager. He's amazing though. He's a new Christian but God knew what He was doing when he brought the two of us together. I lost my mind the other night and was yelling at my husband and I'm not even sure why. I just know I was scared and angry and yelling and I know my man DOES NOT deserve to be treated that way. I told him I was sorry and the next thing he said to me was, "I love you".
There have been and still are times I act a fool in my own crazy thoughts and self centered actions. When they are done, I feel so ashamed of myself and there is nothing I can do to remedy the situation.
There have been times when I've felt foolish for acting out my Christian faith by praying in public, or giving God the praise for something He's done, or giving my testimony. Afterwards, I've always been aware God was with me and I had no need to be afraid or ashamed. Today, I thought I might feel embarrassed if my husband and sister returned from the doctor early and caught me dancing for God with my arms held high.
Today I realized I'd prefer to feel foolish for living out my Christian beliefs than to foolishly attempt to live without God in my own crazy and self centered thoughts and actions.
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