Dashed Hopes for Vertigo Solution

Ugh! I need to write about this but I really don’t want to because there’s a part of me that believes by talking about it I’m focusing too much attention on it and inviting negativity into my life. I don’t want to deny it’s happening either. I guess I’m hoping that if I don’t talk about it, it’ll go away. It could go away as quickly as it started. 

I have vertigo. I don’t know why it’s happening or how to make it go away. I was a “normal” person working a “regular” job until mid-August 2018. In a way, it feels like karma because I have worked since I was 11 years old and have always harshly judged people who claimed disabilities I couldn’t see this. If you saw me, you probably wouldn’t realize I have an issue as I’m using coping skills like wall walking and using something on wheels to stabilize me as I walk. Some of my triggers are: light, noise, and commotion.

I am dizzy more often than not. The dizziness causes me to be nauseous most of the time. I’m also constantly trying to compensate for the feeling that I’m unbalanced which is physically and mentally exhausting. I’m frequently mentally confused now. I’ve tried exercises and medications. I’ve stopped medications hoping it was a side effect that developed over prolonged use. I’ve had a bunch of tests and seen a lot of specialists.

I had an appointment at my neurologist Dr. George Frazier.  His office is located an hour away from where I live. This was a follow up visit to my first visit with him in mid-November. He had asked for some tests to include an MRI, blood tests and an ultrasound and left me feeling he was confident in his ability to figure this out.  I had done the MRI the morning of my appointment with him at the request of my Nurse Practitioner Samantha Tulare. I did the blood test within a week and the ultrasound within two weeks. I don’t drive right now so I have to rely on others for transportation.

Yesterday, my husband and I arrived on time and waited 45 minutes to be seen. The doctor came in and asked me “What bothers you the most?” I had no idea what he was asking. I tried to figure out what I could ask to clarify what he wanted to know but didn’t feel successful at all. He asked why I hadn’t done an MRI, I explained I did the morning of our last appointment. He told me I’d had an MRA not an MRI and they’re different. I told him a hospital employee told me they were the same thing when I called to make the appointment. That was wrong and he seemed upset with me for not knowing better. He said I need VNG and I reminded him I had that done by an audiologist. He stated he needs results and I asked if he wants me to get them and bring them to him.  Yes (glad I clarified or he wouldn’t have them for next appointment either as I thought doctors’ offices gathered this type of thing. Isn’t that the purpose of signing authorizations to release medical records? He asked why I haven’t done the EEG, nerve conduction tests, etcetera. I explained his office had called and said they were waiting on approvals from Blue Cross Blue Shield and they would call back when obtained and they never called back.

I knew some tests hadn’t been done but didn’t consider rescheduling yesterday’s appointment because I did the blood tests and ultrasound and was hoping the answer lay within those results so the others weren’t necessary. Dr. Frazier seemed quite upset with me for not doing something different. I’m not a doctor. I have no medical training beyond first aid training in basic training. I was emotionally crushed.

My husband, William, let me vent my anger, frustration and disappointment the rest of the evening. He’s such an awesome partner in life! I was angry for being held accountable for things beyond my understanding and responsibility. I’m frustrated by the medical community in this part of the country. I’m disappointed at still not knowing why the vertigo is happening or how to stop it.

I want my old life back and I get my hopes so high when I think a doctor has identified the cause or I have a few good days in a row. It hurts so much when I’m wrong.