No Wonder Older People Are Cranky!

My husband and I were in reasonably good health up until March 2018.  We’re both in our 50s.  My husband has been a paraplegic since he was 19 when his spine was crushed and he has been on pain management for many years. 

March of last year, my husband began having some really scary health issues.  He would wake in the middle of the night, short of breath, with chest pains, clammy and vomiting.  We’ve taken him to the local emergency room on multiple occasions and we’ve taken him to the Mayo Clinic.  No one has given us a diagnosis and he continues to have these attacks. 

He had a tooth infection.  He has a hiatal hernia.  He has metal rods in his back which aren’t in the correct place anymore.  His left shoulder has been hurting for years.  He’s frequently in pain despite being on pain medication for chronic pain.  His right hip hurts.  His low back hurts.  He continues to have bladder infections.  He has high blood pressure and diabetes.  He’s overweight.  He has complained of foot pain for years and his feet are frequently cold and almost always discolored to the point of being nearly black at times. 

August of last year, I suddenly had vertigo and have had it virtually daily since.  I desperately tried to identify a cause and solution so I could keep my job.  Four months after onset, I had to resign my position as I no longer could afford my health insurance premiums and still didn’t have a cause.  I still have no idea how to resolve the problem. 

We’ve had to wait months to get referrals to specialists.  We’ve gone through all the testing our Nurse Practitioner ordered.  I’ve done a lot of research online and have come to appointments well prepared with details about symptoms.  I even came with a list of possible medications to share with her. 

It almost seems like our “Primary Care Physician” who’s a nurse practitioner is clueless about what’s causing our symptoms and either doesn’t care enough or doesn’t have the time to try to figure it out and is waiting for it to resolve itself or for us to find a solution. 

It almost seems like the insurance companies are waiting as long as possible to give authorization for referrals, in the hope that we won’t need them when it resolves itself, we’ll give up on getting the medical help we need, or we’ll die.  Any of those scenarios means they don’t have to pay for diagnostic testing. 

I know my husband and I are at our wits’ end some days.  We are hurting, scared, tired, depressed and unhappy. 

No wonder older people are cranky!

My Pity Pot

I’m feeling so overwhelmed by my emotions right now.  I’m exhausted.  I cry at the drop of the hat.  I become frustrated in the blink of an eye.  I’m distraught. 

I want to curl up in a ball under a thick, warm blanket and cry until I have no tears left.  I’m so sad about the current state of my life.

Vertigo has stolen my ability to work, my income, my independence, my ability to get my own groceries, my ability to get in my car and drive myself to the library, the bank, or to lunch with a friend. 

I’m worn out from the symptoms.  I’m tired of fighting with my primary care “physician” to get the referrals my husband and I need.  I’m tired of hearing “it’s normal” in regards to tests when nothing in my life is normal any more.  I’m bored to tears but too tired to figure out something to do. 

Wah, wah, wah.  I need to just cry this out.  

I want to feel good again.  I don’t have any bread or pizza that my nephews like left in the house.  I can’t go to the grocery store myself to purchase more.  I can’t bake any more homemade bread because I don’t have any yeast and can’t drive myself to the store.  I could order grocery pickup but can’t use my SNAP card for that and don’t have any income right now.  I want to read a good book but can’t get to the library and the daily headaches make reading and concentrating difficult.  I would love to scrapbook some photos but don’t have anywhere to do it in my home.  I’d love to spend a day hunting but by the time I’ve loaded us up, I’m so dizzy I need to take medication but the medication knocks me out for 24 hours and it’s really hard to look for game when you’re asleep.

I’d love to have lunch out with a friend but I’m unable to drive myself and I hate asking because what if they say yes when they really want to say no?  I’d love to invite a friend over for coffee but what if I’m too dizzy to concentrate well enough to engage in a conversation? 

I don’t want to cry, really I don’t.  I can’t stand pessimistic people who can’t see the positive in life, but at the moment.  I got nothing nice to say and I’m just going to sit here on my pity pot and cry awhile. 

I’ll write when I’m capable but I’m no longer promising to try to do it daily.  I can’t meet that goal. 

Disability Exam

Last Friday, my husband drove me an hour away to have a disability exam by a mental health professional.

I applied for disability when months had passed since the onset of vertigo without a diagnosis or treatment which will allow me to return to work.  One of the questions asks you to list all conditions which might interfere with your ability to work (or something along those lines).  I don’t want to get in trouble for lying, misrepresenting, or not providing full information, so although the big reason is vertigo, I included nausea (caused by the vertigo), migraines (because I’m having headaches virtually every day and migraines a couple times a month and one of the specialists said the vertigo may be caused by vestibular migraines), and anxiety (because I was under a great deal of stress when the vertigo came on and I believe the mind and body are inextricably linked; I’ve also experienced some pretty strong negative emotions since the vertigo began).  I was being seen by a mental health professional to address the stress prior to the vertigo.   

I’d had a rough week, with lots of vertigo attacks and I was feeling worn down. 

We stopped at McDonald’s on the way out of town and I ate a full meal.  This is the second time I left my town on a full stomach, with the same result.  I have nausea due to the vertigo and the effect is even worse when my stomach is full. 

On the way to my appointment, there is a significant change in altitude and sometimes it plays havoc with my ears.  I had an absurd amount of pressure in my ears and I couldn’t relieve it.  I tried holding my nose and blowing air with my mouth closed.  It didn’t work. 

I was overcome with nausea and discomfort and began to weep.  I desperately wanted to ask my husband to pull over, but how would that help?  We still needed to get to my appointment and it would only make matters worse to be late. 

We got to town and followed the doctor’s directions (down an alley) and arrived at my appointment. 

She asked me a lot of questions and I can’t remember them all but she did ask me the basics.  Name, date of birth, place of birth, state we were in, city we were in, current president and last.  She asked me to repeat three words and to remember them to tell them to her again later.  The words were house, boat and shoe.  We were in a town near water, so houseboat, and shoe.  I tapped my shoe through the rest of the interview.

She asked about my childhood, which was the first crying jag as I told her my step-father Dick was abusive physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually. 

She asked about my education:  three associate degrees and a bachelor’s degree. 

She asked me to explain what the idiom “strike while the iron’s hot” means.  For the life of me, I had no idea and I knew I should know and I was beyond frustrated.  It was one of the three times I started crying and couldn’t stop. 

She asked me if I’m worried about having vertigo.  No, worrying about it isn’t going to change a thing.  I want my old life back.  I want to drive and work and do normal things.  There was a brief period of time when I was really freaked out about not having any income, but we prayed about it, sold some things and covered our debts.  God has met all our needs. 

She asked about my military service and my work history.  The last place I worked was in child safety and it has left me traumatized.  I can’t talk about it without crying.  I cried when I told her I’d worked there a year and a half.  She didn’t ask any follow up questions. 

She asked about the feelings I’ve experienced since the onset of the vertigo.  I named a bunch:  confusion, frustration, worry, fear, dread, anger, embarrassment, depression, sorrow, hope, grief.  I could have gone on.   

At the end of the interview, she told me her husband had a three month bout of vertigo and it was definitely scary but he has since recovered. 

My husband and I got in our car and I started crying again.  He asked what was wrong.  I covered my face with my hands and tried to tell him through my tears.  I leaned over on his shoulder and just let it out.  He was just there.  Loving me.  Supporting me.  Not trying to fix anything, just reassuring me. 

A Medical Monopoly

The town I live in has one hospital. For a while, there was another hospital in town which was built by a group of doctors. After construction was completed and patients were being seen, the other hospital bought the new hospital out. And the town is back to one hospital. This seems to have dramatically affected the quality of care. It is also a teaching hospital. It is supposed to be non-profit but seems to be quite expensive for the results received and some people feel like the hospital is all about making money and has no concern for patient’s health or ability to pay. Many of the doctors and the clinics in town are connected to the hospital.  The hospital is busy buying up property rather than working within a budget or providing affordable healthcare.

Here are some of my experiences.

My husband has been to the emergency room multiple times in the last year. He experiences vomiting, pain, clamminess, constipation, shortness of breath, chest pain, nausea, low potassium, and elevated white cell count. The emergency room has diagnosed him with tooth infection, bladder infection, and haven’t got a clue. The most frustrating visit was the one where my husband had repeatedly informed those treating him that he had vomited up his pain medications and was in a great deal of pain. A male doctor, when asked directly, told my husband he couldn’t prescribe pain medications without consulting with his supervisor and suggested he would be in trouble for administering pain medications to someone who is on pain management.

Another time, my husband and I were told his femoral artery was 70% blocked and he needed an angiogram. The cardiologist (affiliated with the hospital) started to do the procedure, then came back and told us he had no abnormal blockage. He claimed the emergency room “overread” the radiology report. Apparently, he didn’t notice it had been “overread” when he reviewed it?

When I experienced my first extreme vertigo attack, I drove myself to the hospital after trying to get into my primary care physician. I had at least three more attacks while at the hospital and at least two were while the doctor was “examining” me. The doctor checked my blood for electrolytes. He also tried to do a Dix-Hallpike test but did it incorrectly. He had me walk down the hallway about four steps while I grasped onto him. After being there for several hours, the doctor released me after suggesting I take meclizine, but he wasn’t sure it would help and I’m not typically a pill taker. I was unable to drive myself home from the emergency room and haven’t driven since.

My brother was in the emergency room. After hours of waiting, he was told his diabetes was out of control and he needed to be seen at a larger hospital and he was transported hours away in the middle of the night. He arrived at the bigger hospital and after running tests, they told him he didn’t need additional treatment. His diabetes was under control, and his heart function was good.

I’ve lived all over the United States, the only time I experienced worse care by a hospital was when I was living in Georgia, had a miscarriage and almost bled out in the emergency room waiting area of a military hospital. 

If you’re not happy with the care you receive here, you can travel a minimum of an hour away to go to a hospital in another small town. If you want to go to a larger hospital, you must travel at least two hours away and your insurance may not cover it as it’s in another state. I’m not saying all the doctors and nurses at this hospital are more interested in money than income, but my experiences lead me to the opinion that the hospital is more concerned about making money than its patients’ health.

Is anyone else experiencing this type of problem?

I Couldn’t Have Imagined This!

Thank You Father God!  With one plan, You’re blessing me, my nephews, my husband, my parents, and my brother and I’m sure the blessings spread beyond what I’ll ever know. 

It’s been a week and a half since I started coaching my nephews.  They’re 7 and 10 and were not succeeding in a traditional brick and mortar school.  I’m not here to bash teachers, there are good and bad apples in every barrel, but our education system is broken. 

I’d moved back to my hometown and was happily married.  My husband and I were attending a vibrant church with a loving Celebrate Recovery program.  I was working in child protection and we had more than adequate income and good health insurance coverage.  My husband was teaching me to hunt and I’d discovered it was fun to share his passion and I was reasonably good at it.  I envisioned us spending the rest of our lives loving each other, family, and forever family (fellow Christians).  I thought I was going to work right up to retirement.  All I wanted was God’s will for my life and I was asking him for a different job. 

The vertigo came on suddenly, taking me by surprise.  At first, I was just frustrated (I hate to be sick, period.)  I thought I’d be back to normal in a few days.  That hasn’t happened.  My health is preventing me from working and has basically turned me into a shut in.  I hate it.  I have no income.  I had to give up my position with the state because I couldn’t pay the health insurance premiums.  I can’t do normal things like house cleaning, grocery shopping, and personal care like I used to do; I have to find ways to accomplish these things with the help of family.  I felt like I wasn’t contributing to society.   

Because I haven’t been able to work for four months, the idea that I might serve as a Learning Coach appealed to me.  I was concerned I wouldn’t be able to do it, physically.  I want to be reliable.  After much prayer, much talk with my mother, and much research, I decided to commit to trying it out. 

Whoo boy!  My nephews are delivered to my home four mornings a week.  (I can’t drive right now.)  They’re always smiling and happy to arrive.  They each have a laptop and a seat at my dining room table and I sit between them while they do their online classes.  (Movement is a trigger.)  I clarify what needs to be done, answer questions, and try to keep them on task.  We eat a light, easy lunch:  sandwiches, pizza, leftovers, etc.  They don’t seem to notice when my symptoms get bad.  I hold still when I can, wall walk when I have to, lie down briefly when needed, and smile.  So far, so good.    

I’m blessed.  I get to contribute.  Even better than that, I get to spend time getting to know these marvelous young men.  I get to experience a wide range of emotions, including love (the younger nephew loves to hug and tell me he loves me, so sweet!), amusement (oh my gosh, they’re funny and the older nephew is exploring his gift of humor and testing what makes people laugh), boredom (yes, there are those moments when they’re both engaged in their lessons and I’ve nothing to do but wait), frustration (why can’t I find what I need easily on the school’s website?), fearful (can I handle this?), exhausted (sometimes I almost fall asleep during breaks and I’m not as productive on the weekends), grouchy (side effect of health issues and I try to keep it to myself), joyful (I love these guys!), optimistic and proud (it’s an amazing feeling when you realize they got a concept they were struggling with or are learning how to be students).  

My nephews are blessed to be taking online classes with teachers that are assigned to them, using technology to learn in a world that is technology-driven, with an aunt who loves them sitting next to them giving them tons of attention and love, and a family who loves them and works together to give them the best we can.   

In just a week and a half, I’ve been so challenged and I’ve learned so much about my nephews, my family, teachers, and myself.  I can’t wait to find out what will happen next!

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”                                    Ephesians 3:20

4 1/2 Hours to Get Blood Drawn

Left the house at 10:30 to get my blood drawn for the neurologist. Receptionist at my doctor’s office where I normally go politely explained due to a recent change in my insurance, I now have to go to one of two other locations in town. Sweet of her to tell me so I didn’t have to look it up.

My husband and I had prior experience with both labs and chose the one which seemed to be more respectful of it’s patients and their time. It’s inside a Safeway grocery store. I thought it was immediately inside one of the entrances. It was not. It was at the back of the store. I hadn’t been inside a grocery store since mid-August. The lights, sound and motion there triggers my vertigo.  

I had to traverse long distances with nothing sturdy to use for wall walking to get to the lab. The waiting area is the width of a hallway with 11 chairs lining either side and all but one seat was filled. The receptionist asks if I’ve checked in. I haven’t. She snippily tells me to check in at the kiosk.  I comply, then ask about how long the wait currently is since my husband is waiting for me in the parking lot.  An hour.  I communicate this to my husband so he can go do errands without me.

I read on the door that appointments can be made at their website.  I use my phone to set up an account for future draws.  I notice there are about five appointments still available today.

I attempt to schedule an appointment at the VA Clinic.  I try to set up an account but my username is too long.  I shorten it.  It’s being used by someone else.  I change it.  I receive a message that I cannot set up a new account because there’s already an account set up in my name! 

The receptionist calls my name and asks for my insurance card.  I explain I haven’t received an insurance card from CareFirst yet.  I’m not concerned because I’ve had two doctor visits since 1/1/19 and they both had my new information.  She tells me she has to make a copy of the card.  I explain again they haven’t sent me one.  She tells me they can’t draw my blood until I have my card.  I’m pissed but I feel so stinking bad, I don’t even argue, just leave.   

My husband shows me his CareFirst card and says it was in the paperwork he was looking at the day before.  I ask if mine is there too, he says yes.  I snag a same day appointment at 2:15 using my new account.  We go get lunch.  I leave another message for the local VA Clinic requesting an appointment.   

We go home to get my new insurance card.  It’s not on the table.  I tell my husband I can’t find mine.  He thought I received a separate mailing with my card at the same time his came in the mail.  I did not.  I call CareFirst and explain what’s going on.  She tells me my card should arrive by 1/20/19 and until then they cannot send another one.  I explain the lab won’t take my blood without the card and I can’t see my neurologist again until I’ve obtained all the tests he ordered.  She puts me on hold, talks to her supervisor, calls the lab and tells me the lab must take the blood draw whether or not I have insurance and all I have to give them is my AHCCS number, I tuck the 18 page letter with the number in my purse and thank her profusely.

I call and schedule an appointment for my husband to see a local urologist in 2 months.  It has taken more than 3 months to get this referral!  We haven’t received the referral for the podiatrist yet. 

Called and scheduled my annual mammogram and a sinus x-ray for the same day. 

Called and confirmed my appointment for a mental health exam which Disability set up.  Tried to call Disability to confirm appointment, they didn’t answer. 

Went back into Safeway using a cart to steady myself as I went back to the lab again.  Had my blood drawn after 2 other people were called before me even though I had an appointment and they didn’t.  It took from 10:30 to 3 pm for me to get a blood draw today.  

Finally connected with the VA Clinic and got an appointment in 8 weeks and have to give them a blood sample in 6 weeks.  Hope the next one doesn’t take as long!

My Apology for Missing a Daily Post

Oops!

I apologize. It was my intention to post each day when I started this blog. I had realized it was likely I was going to miss days occasionally due to vertigo and migraines and I wanted to warn you in advance. I didn’t get the warning out because there’s so much to tell you and so little time and I didn’t get a new post published yesterday. This is going to happen from time to time.

I was under a great deal of pressure, both physical and emotional, on Thursday and Friday. Yesterday I was simply worn out. I got out of bed and laid down on the couch. I alternated between sleeping and watching television all day.

I did the dishes around 4 pm. Then I started working on a monthly grocery list so it can be ready when my sister-in-law has time to shop for us. I was mostly seated for that with a few forays into the kitchen cupboards and freezers.  Around 6 pm, I made dinner and that only took about a half hour.  I was asleep by 8 pm.  

I completely forgot about posting a blog because I was focused on the bare necessities of life, recovering some physical and emotional strength, and didn’t even register it was a separate, individual day.

My promise to you is that I will not forsake this blog.  I’m having too much fun sharing my stories with you to stop.  I will try to write ahead on good days so there’s something to post on bad days.  I will strive to publish daily; however, on really bad days, I may be silent.  I will return as soon as possible.  

Today, my best is enough.  This is huge for a perfectionist in recovery.

Thank you for reading and commenting.  I’d love to hear your stories and opinions too.   

Late Start

So, rough night here. This story is gross.

The last two days I’ve had vertigo pretty much constantly. However, I’m preparing for something big tomorrow, so although I felt like I needed to restrict my activities, I’ve been trying to push through.

I’ve had to push a few activities off, but not too many and I’m ready for tomorrow’s event.

Day before yesterday, I was mildly nauseous all day. Yesterday afternoon, I realized the rumbling, queasy, need to go feeling in my tummy that I’d had all day was because of the extended, constant nausea. I went to bed like normal. Woke up around 4 am with vomit in my mouth!

Yuck!

I hate vomiting! I will fight it and fight it, so I rarely do. This had never happened to me before, waking up like that. I went to the bathroom to see if there was more. There wasn’t, thank God. I brushed my teeth and got back in bed. I’m laying there with the same queasy nausea, afraid to go to sleep and have it happen again.

I remember I have Promethazine for nausea and get up to take it. I find the Meclizine which I haven’t been taking because it causes extreme sleepiness. Apparently, the Promethazine is still in the Dodge’s glove compartment.

Well, it was 4 am and I wasn’t due to get up until 6:25 am. I decided to take a half. I woke up right before 8 am, sleeping through two alarms.

I have a plan for today.

My approach is to make a plan once a week for the following week and do my best to follow it. Some days, I abandon the plan altogether. Most days, I adjust as needed, getting as much accomplished as possible, adding more time to a task, including a nap or naps: I’m dismayed at how little I’m able to do now, but I know I’ve done my best and that’s enough for the day and this is my new normal. Occasionally, I have a day with no or very little vertigo and I’m able to get a lot done. I have to be careful on these days because the temptation is to push myself to hard and I end up really sick again. Today, is going to be a day where I consciously have to allow myself to let things go and just focus on the most important things but hopefully not a day to completely abandon the plan.

Not the way I like to start a day but I’ll take it. It’s better than the alternative. 

A Thing of Dread

I used to love taking a shower. I would sing, pray, and ponder. I would enjoy the sensation of the water running over me and taking my troubles away with the dust and sweat. No more.

I’ve never been a big fan of a bath. While the idea of pampering myself with a tub of warm water, yummy smelling bubbles and an adult beverage sound great, the thought of sitting in my own (or someone else’s if the tub is shared by others) dirt is usually just too much for me. If I don’t have to share the tub, I’ve been known to soak while reading a good book. No more.

On August 16, 2018 I woke up feeling excited because I was on vacation for the next two days and my sisters Tammi and Rhonda were coming to visit from out of state to help celebrate my dad, Thomas Strinati’s 70th birthday.

I hopped in the shower to get ready for the day. I lifted my head up toward the shower head and everything began spinning. I grabbed the wall for support and sat down on the built in seat. My husband was at a doctor’s appointment with my sister-in-law Marie. I was home alone, naked, wet, and terrified I would fall and hit my head. I don’t know how long it took me to get out of the shower and get dressed. I don’t remember. The dizziness didn’t go away. I decided I needed medical attention. The dizziness plagues me nearly every day.

I dread getting in the shower now. I never know what is going to happen. I can get in feeling fine (no vertigo) and pull back the curtain when I’m done and nearly pass out. Sometimes I have to lean against the wall or hold the railing the whole time I’m in the shower. Sometimes I keep my eyes open even though I have shampoo in my hair because I feel so unsteady.

I dread it so much that I sometimes put off showering too long. If the vertigo is bad enough I’d prefer not to shower, I’ll check my daily planner to see if I have to go somewhere that day. I believe I’ve waited four days a few times now. I’m mostly a shut in these days so it’s unlikely I’m going to offend anyone and I’ve asked my husband and sister-in-law to inform me if I’ve pushed it too far.

I would love to go back to being able to get in the shower without thought or hesitation. Mostly, I wish taking a shower hadn’t become a thing of dread for me.    

Sample for Mold Testing in the Mail

Well, I finally got the samples collected and they’re in the mailbox to be picked up by the postman tomorrow morning.

The master bedroom ceiling had caved in before my husband and I married. We got it fixed this year but there is some water damage, so the swab sample was from a water stain. 

The second sample was a collection of vacuum dust from throughout the house.

You might be wondering why we’re testing for mold in our home. My mom, my sister Tammi, and my sister-in-law Marie have been asking us to do this. They think the health problems my husband and I are experiencing could be from mold. 

My husband has been having new health problems since March of 2018. He started waking in the middle of the night feeling like he couldn’t breathe, with a sense of dread and unrest, clammy, hot and cold, hot and cold, unusual pain in his back, and severe vomiting. Doctors have been unable to pinpoint the cause of his symptoms. They come and go. There’s nothing I can do to ease his symptoms. He’s been to Urgent Care, the Emergency room, our Nurse Practitioner, specialists, and the Mayo Clinic.

I began having daily vertigo episodes in August 2018. The doctors haven’t been able to determine what is causing my vertigo or how to stop them. 

It seems strange to me that such wildly different symptoms in two people living in the same home could be from mold, but we’re willing to try almost anything.

Our exposure times are also different. My husband has lived in this home for 17 years. I’ve lived here just over 2 years.

Results should be in within 2 weeks. I hope they’re negative because I have no idea how to get rid of it if it’s positive. 

Does anyone else have experience with this type of thing?

Dashed Hopes for Vertigo Solution

Ugh! I need to write about this but I really don’t want to because there’s a part of me that believes by talking about it I’m focusing too much attention on it and inviting negativity into my life. I don’t want to deny it’s happening either. I guess I’m hoping that if I don’t talk about it, it’ll go away. It could go away as quickly as it started. 

I have vertigo. I don’t know why it’s happening or how to make it go away. I was a “normal” person working a “regular” job until mid-August 2018. In a way, it feels like karma because I have worked since I was 11 years old and have always harshly judged people who claimed disabilities I couldn’t see this. If you saw me, you probably wouldn’t realize I have an issue as I’m using coping skills like wall walking and using something on wheels to stabilize me as I walk. Some of my triggers are: light, noise, and commotion.

I am dizzy more often than not. The dizziness causes me to be nauseous most of the time. I’m also constantly trying to compensate for the feeling that I’m unbalanced which is physically and mentally exhausting. I’m frequently mentally confused now. I’ve tried exercises and medications. I’ve stopped medications hoping it was a side effect that developed over prolonged use. I’ve had a bunch of tests and seen a lot of specialists.

I had an appointment at my neurologist Dr. George Frazier.  His office is located an hour away from where I live. This was a follow up visit to my first visit with him in mid-November. He had asked for some tests to include an MRI, blood tests and an ultrasound and left me feeling he was confident in his ability to figure this out.  I had done the MRI the morning of my appointment with him at the request of my Nurse Practitioner Samantha Tulare. I did the blood test within a week and the ultrasound within two weeks. I don’t drive right now so I have to rely on others for transportation.

Yesterday, my husband and I arrived on time and waited 45 minutes to be seen. The doctor came in and asked me “What bothers you the most?” I had no idea what he was asking. I tried to figure out what I could ask to clarify what he wanted to know but didn’t feel successful at all. He asked why I hadn’t done an MRI, I explained I did the morning of our last appointment. He told me I’d had an MRA not an MRI and they’re different. I told him a hospital employee told me they were the same thing when I called to make the appointment. That was wrong and he seemed upset with me for not knowing better. He said I need VNG and I reminded him I had that done by an audiologist. He stated he needs results and I asked if he wants me to get them and bring them to him.  Yes (glad I clarified or he wouldn’t have them for next appointment either as I thought doctors’ offices gathered this type of thing. Isn’t that the purpose of signing authorizations to release medical records? He asked why I haven’t done the EEG, nerve conduction tests, etcetera. I explained his office had called and said they were waiting on approvals from Blue Cross Blue Shield and they would call back when obtained and they never called back.

I knew some tests hadn’t been done but didn’t consider rescheduling yesterday’s appointment because I did the blood tests and ultrasound and was hoping the answer lay within those results so the others weren’t necessary. Dr. Frazier seemed quite upset with me for not doing something different. I’m not a doctor. I have no medical training beyond first aid training in basic training. I was emotionally crushed.

My husband, William, let me vent my anger, frustration and disappointment the rest of the evening. He’s such an awesome partner in life! I was angry for being held accountable for things beyond my understanding and responsibility. I’m frustrated by the medical community in this part of the country. I’m disappointed at still not knowing why the vertigo is happening or how to stop it.

I want my old life back and I get my hopes so high when I think a doctor has identified the cause or I have a few good days in a row. It hurts so much when I’m wrong.

New to Blogging

Hello and welcome to my new blog!

I'm blogging because I'm not able to work outside my home anymore.  I started working at the age of 11 and continued until the middle of August of 2018.  I loved to work.  My work was part of my identity most of my life.  Things have changed.

I woke up one morning, excited to be on vacation for two days to spend time with out-of-state family. As I was getting ready for the day, I lost my equilibrium in the shower and nearly fell.  The vertigo persisted, my husband and I went to my doctor's office but she had no appointments available and told me to go to the local emergency room.  I drove to the emergency room but when I left several hours later, the vertigo was worse and I couldn't safely drive myself.  I haven't driven since.  I haven't worked since.  Four months and many tests and specialists later, I still don't have a cause or effective course of treatment.

I don't know what to do with myself.  I've done a lot of research and learned some coping skills but my life has changed dramatically.  I've filed for disability but would prefer to be self supporting.  My mother suggested I try blogging.  I've always loved to read, write and talk to people.  So I'm going to learn how to do this and am excited about the possible outcomes.

I've been reading a comprehensive book about blogging for over a month now and am ready to begin. I'm certain I will make some mistakes along the way.  I hope the learning curve doesn't take too long.  I look forward to getting to know you and sharing my life's struggles, lessons and successes with you.