A Thing of Dread

I used to love taking a shower. I would sing, pray, and ponder. I would enjoy the sensation of the water running over me and taking my troubles away with the dust and sweat. No more.

I’ve never been a big fan of a bath. While the idea of pampering myself with a tub of warm water, yummy smelling bubbles and an adult beverage sound great, the thought of sitting in my own (or someone else’s if the tub is shared by others) dirt is usually just too much for me. If I don’t have to share the tub, I’ve been known to soak while reading a good book. No more.

On August 16, 2018 I woke up feeling excited because I was on vacation for the next two days and my sisters Tammi and Rhonda were coming to visit from out of state to help celebrate my dad, Thomas Strinati’s 70th birthday.

I hopped in the shower to get ready for the day. I lifted my head up toward the shower head and everything began spinning. I grabbed the wall for support and sat down on the built in seat. My husband was at a doctor’s appointment with my sister-in-law Marie. I was home alone, naked, wet, and terrified I would fall and hit my head. I don’t know how long it took me to get out of the shower and get dressed. I don’t remember. The dizziness didn’t go away. I decided I needed medical attention. The dizziness plagues me nearly every day.

I dread getting in the shower now. I never know what is going to happen. I can get in feeling fine (no vertigo) and pull back the curtain when I’m done and nearly pass out. Sometimes I have to lean against the wall or hold the railing the whole time I’m in the shower. Sometimes I keep my eyes open even though I have shampoo in my hair because I feel so unsteady.

I dread it so much that I sometimes put off showering too long. If the vertigo is bad enough I’d prefer not to shower, I’ll check my daily planner to see if I have to go somewhere that day. I believe I’ve waited four days a few times now. I’m mostly a shut in these days so it’s unlikely I’m going to offend anyone and I’ve asked my husband and sister-in-law to inform me if I’ve pushed it too far.

I would love to go back to being able to get in the shower without thought or hesitation. Mostly, I wish taking a shower hadn’t become a thing of dread for me.