My Understanding Keeps Changing, He Doesn’t

I’ve believed in God for as long as I can remember.  My step-father taught me not to trust Him.

As a child, I understood God to be an angry man who hated me and wanted to punish me because He believed I was unlovable and unworthy. I believed this because my step-father was this way and he claimed to be a Christian.

In my mind’s eye, God was an old white man with a white beard and sandals.  He was red-faced with fury, hate and retribution.  He was looking forward to punishing. I was a sinner.  My best wasn’t good enough and He enjoyed tormenting me before He punished me.  I couldn’t trust Him.

After I started working a 12 step program, and had heard others describe their “Higher Power” as a tree or a group, I felt encouraged by God to see “My Higher Power” as a big, dark-skinned woman who gave the best hugs.  She smelled of yeast, cinnamon, vanilla and honeysuckle.  She was waiting for me in the kitchen, ready to listen to me pour out my troubles. She always had enough time.  She loved my sense of humor and was quick to laugh with me.  She made me feel loved and accepted.  She created me to be uniquely me.  I could trust Her.

I later read a copy of “The Shack” by William P. Young and was moved to tears by the author’s description of God.  I took it as confirmation that I was on the right path in my own journey toward learning to trust God again.

Today, God is my loving Creator who created everything out of nothing.  He desires a relationship with me, and every other human being.  God is love.  I am a sinner.  He has redeemed me by providing a plan for his son, Jesus Christ to die for me and all other sinners. 

My understanding of God continues to change and I trust the longer I seek His will for my life and read His scriptures, the more He will reveal about who He is and the more I’ll be able to comprehend.  He is not changing.  I can trust Him forever because He doesn’t change; however, my understanding keeps on growing.

“God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act?  Does he promise and not fulfill?” Numbers 23:19

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 

I pray for the same for you.