The 3/5-3/8 2019 School Week in Review

This week being a learning coach was mostly a blessing.  Last week, it felt like a curse.   

My 10 year old nephew Nathan is an everyday liar.  I’ve learned through conversations with other adult family members that this has been a problem for years and Nathan continues even when caught blatantly lying.  I hate being lied to.  If you lie to me and I know it, I’m going to call you out. 

This week, I remembered how much I lied at his age.  I was distrustful of everyone and lied to protect myself.  I’m like a reformed smoker who wants to force the rest of the world to stop.  I’m a recovering Control Freak!     

Nathan is lazy.  He’ll ask me for scratch paper that is the same distance from me, as from him, expecting me to retrieve it with a sly grin on his face. I haven’t told Nathan he’s lazy: he told me “I’m lazy” while smirking.  He consistently chooses what requires the least of him.  He’s in a remedial reading course (in addition to his regular Language Arts) because I was concerned he may have missed some essentials previously.  Yesterday, I observed him skipping through being read the stories and guessing at the answers until he hit upon the right one.  He lied about it even though I was standing behind him as he did it and saw with my own eyes.  It seems his reading skills problem is from his choice to do as little as possible.   

This week, we talked about how the bible says a person who’s not willing to work, shouldn’t eat.  We identified what Nathan’s work is school right now.  I’ve begun seeking opportunities to praise extra effort, regardless of the end result.  I’m a recovering Perfectionist, so I tend to be very harsh in my expectations and interactions.   

Nathan is disrespectful of his elders.  He argues with me every day.  He uses sarcasm and insinuates a lack of intelligence.  If I say get out your English book;   he responds with a sneer in his voice, “Do you mean Language Arts?”  If I tell him it’s time to take the test; he says “It’s a Quick Check.”  When an adult says no, he demands to know why.  He pulled the stitching out of one of my best chairs.  He uses other people’s belongings without asking.  He has strewn the contents of his school art kit about because he doesn’t put his belongings away unless I stand over him like a drill sergeant.     

This week, I realized that the adults in my family may be talking about and treating each other in ways that are disrespectful in front of him.  I have criticized the lesson content, the communication with people at the school, and the frequent class changes and cancellations in front of him.  Our attitude is often that if someone disagrees with us, they lack intelligence.  One of the things I said repeatedly in my former life was, “Stupid people annoy me!”  I’ve started trying to change this behavior in myself.   

Nathan rarely takes personal accountability for his actions.  He told me “Everyone lies.” when I confronted him about a lie he had just told me.  He has blamed shoddy schoolwork on myself and his grandmother.  He blames low assessment grades on poorly written questions and not being taught the material.  This week, we discussed the fact that we’re both Christians and will have to give an accounting to God someday and that God won’t want to hear what anyone else did when we’re discussing what we did.   

This week I put up new verses and we talked about what they mean and how they apply to us.  Luke 17:2 is my verse for the week, “It would be better for them (me) to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones (Nathan) to stumble.”  As an adult Christian in my nephews life, I’m a representative of God.  He learns who God is by observing who I am.  If I don’t behave in a way which is deserving of respect; how is he supposed to respect God?  If I use scripture (God’s word) to beat this child and fill him with shame; then he’ll believe God sees him as worthless and unredeemable.  

Nathan came prepared to listen and do this week.  He didn’t lie to me until Friday.  He didn’t attempt to skip lesson material without permission until Friday.  He suffered some natural consequences (instead of me trying to force a different behavior)  for not following directions and had to use “free time” to complete some assignments he didn’t finish during assigned school time because he was stalling or refused to follow directions.  I had many opportunities to praise him. 

Blaming the Child Victim

Something I struggle with nearly every day is the belief that I’m not enough, that I’m defective, that I’m responsible for every bad thing in my life and the lives of everyone else.

Intellectually, I know it’s not my fault there’s a war in Syria or racism or a myriad of other evils but the soul damage I suffered at the hands of my evil step-father Dick has caused what seems to be permanent damage (unless God decides to miraculously remove it).

Ironically, I even feel like it’s my fault I can’t figure out how to overcome the belief that I’m to blame; this is a perfect example of my “stinking thinking”.

As I read “Mending the Soul: Understanding and Healing Abuse” by Steven R. Tracy, my dilemma was explained at long last.

Abusers blame their victims. My step-father believed everything was my fault and told me so every day of my childhood.

I believed the abuse was my fault. I believed it happened because I wasn’t good enough. I believed that if I was good enough, my evil step-father Dick would finally approve of and love me. I believed that I had the power to stop the abuse if I was just good enough. The abuse didn’t stop until I moved away as a young adult. I was never good enough in Dick’s eyes.

Rather than conclude that a parent is wrong or evil, children decide they must be bad and at fault for their parent’s abuse.

Children come to believe they deserve the abuse.

My reaction is common among victims of child abuse. They falsely believe the parent is good and they are bad. They believe their own bad behavior brought on the abuse and they can stop the abuse by being good. This gives them a sense of hope and power. They hold on to this belief tenaciously.

I had requested counseling because I thought I had a sexual dysfunction. We discussed the sexual abuse I suffered as a child in the broadest terms. The counselor asked if I felt ashamed of what had happened, and I burst into tears. Of course, I did, and I thought it was because some of it felt good to a child. Sexual touch was designed by God to feel good and it’s good for us when done within the boundaries of God’s plan for us. Now, I understand it was also because my evil step-father Dick had blamed me as a child, and I believed him.

I was attending Celebrate Recovery meetings for abuse survivors in Washington State. The first meeting, the facilitator stated if anyone was abused as a child, they were NOT to blame. I cried as if I was a child again. I needed to hear that so badly and didn’t even know it.

I would love to leave this habit I have of blaming myself for anything that goes wrong behind; however, I’m certain I’m not capable of leaving this shortcoming behind on my own. I’m totally willing to let God remove it from my life. I’m also totally okay with having God use this about me to help another person who has survived childhood abuse. What man intended for my harm, God will put to good use.

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”     Genesis 50:20

The Image of God Distorted and Mended

Recently finished reading “Mending the Soul: Understanding and Healing Abuse” by Steven R. Tracy. It was excellent and now I’m trying to distill what I learned to a shareable form.

My step-father Dick was abusive. He abused me physically, emotionally, spiritually, verbally, and sexually. Satan used my step-father’s abuse to separate me from God’s love and nearly destroy me. I’ve always believed in God, but I couldn’t trust him. I thought he was like my step-father.

God’s design is for children to learn about him through their experiences with their parents. My step-father taught me what Satan is like, but it has taken me decades to understand this. My mother is a godly woman, but she was unaware of the extent of the abuse and she was unable to protect me from her husband. My step-father convinced me that I was all wrong, stupid, sinful, unlovable, good for only one thing-being a virgin when I married. I believed I was unforgivable and hopeless. My step-father blamed me for his actions and I believed him.

I attended church faithfully throughout my childhood and on and off as an adult, but I was trying to earn God’s favor. Every time I heard the following verse, I again felt like the abuse had to be my fault, because what kind of father…?

“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Luke 11:11-13

If evil, human fathers give their children food when they ask, why was mine abusive? Why was he angry all the time? Why did he ravage my soul with his nasty, hurtful words? Why did he touch me inappropriately?

I believed in God and I had accepted Christ as my Savior, but I had no trust in God, so I ran from him, and was disobedient (I trusted my way more than I trusted him). I had very little joy in my life. I couldn’t accept that anyone could love the real me, so I was separate from my spouse and children.

Some of the common distortions abuse survivors battle are: God isn’t big enough, God isn’t good enough, God is mean and untrustworthy, God isn’t safe, and God’s love and approval must be earned.

It was almost impossible for me to believe God loved me. I’d feel it for a moment, then it was gone again. It wasn’t until a Christian woman loved me with Christ’s love (not sexual) that I could finally accept that God loved and accepted me as I was. This is what God says about me and all his children.

“The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

It was not part of God’s plan that I suffer abuse at the hands of my step-father. Dick made sinful choices which created consequences for me. Jesus chose to be abused in order to save my eternal soul, so he understands my hurt. God is sad when his children are hurt. Here is what God says about abusers who cause children to stumble.

“If anyone causes one of these little ones-those who believe in me-to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” Matthew 18:6

Today, I’m convinced God, my heavenly Father, my Creator loves me!

Slow to the Pace of Grace

I heard this phrase in a sermon when I lived in Washington state and it resonated with me. 

I was taught as a child that doing tasks was important and a possible way to win favor.  I was also taught that my best would never be good enough; therefore, I have no worth.  Sorry, I had an evil step-father named Dick.

Because of my childhood training, I have spent my adulthood doing.  And what I did was never enough so I could never slow down or stop. 

The pastor said Christians need to slow to the pace of grace.  We need to make time in our busy lives to do what God prompts when he prompts. 

His example was the Good Samaritan in Luke 10.  A traveler was beaten and robbed by thieves, and left naked beside the road.  The Samaritan was traveling but was filled with compassion when he saw the beaten man.  The Samaritan cleaned and bandaged the injured man’s wounds.  He put him on his animal and carried him to an inn.  The following morning, he gave the innkeeper some money and asked him to take care of the man, explaining he would return for the injured man. 

My first instinct is to say, “What? Who has time or money for that?”  And yet, that is exactly what Jesus expects from Christians. 

We need to get our priorities right.  In today’s world, businesses are pushing their employees to do more and more and more with less and less and less.  Sometimes, as Christians, we’re conflicted because we have multiple goals and we’re not sure which should come first.  But God tells us that his priority is more important than the world’s. 

“The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.”

1 John 2:17

We need to stop doing what we think is most important and do what God is asking.  He will bless us if we obey him. 

As a Christian, the thing I desire most is to hear “Well done, good and faithful servant,” cross my Father’s lips. 

All I have to do is obey him and the most important command he gives me is to give people a glimpse of who he is by loving them in action. 

“Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other.  Let us show the truth by our actions.”

1 John 3:18. 

I can’t show love to anyone if I don’t slow down and give them my time and help when they need it.  

God is Love

I was so surprised to read “God is love” in the bible. 

I believed God was this all-powerful being who created mankind and then tormented his creation for his pleasure.  I thought God believed I was evil and unlovable and that he was just waiting for me to die so he could judge me and send me to hell for eternity. 

I believed I could fix this if I could just show God some success in my life at following his directions. 

I experienced Christians as better-than-me do-gooders who had perfect lives.  I felt shut down when I tried to share my real struggles.  I heard them saying my faith and obedience weren’t good enough.  I believed they were reinforcing my brokenness with their judgment. 

I finally God desperate enough to try something different and I went to a 12-step program where most of the people were at some stage of growth and healing.  These were a loving people and they welcomed me with love. 

I went back to church and found myself welcomed with loving embraces by the female leader of the singles’ group.  She knew I was living with a man, but she left that up to God and loved me where I was. 

When God invited me to surrender; I did no without hesitation or reservation. 

It was amazing. 

Then I started reading my bible and praying every day. 

People always talk about the love chapter in 1 Corinthians 13, love is this, love is not that, blah, blah, blah, human love.  Human love had failed me, that chapter left me feeling disappointed. 

I came across 1 John and sprinkled throughout the pages are explanations of God’s love, our love toward him, and how he wants us to love each other.  I’d read these verses before but my eyes and heart were closed, they didn’t make sense.  Now they do. 

Dear Father, I pray anyone who reads these verses does so with their eyes and hearts open.  I pray they understand the depth of your love for us.  I pray they understand what you’re asking them to do.  I pray they will see through Satan’s lies about love as he tries to take a beautiful truth about you and distort it to separate us from you and your love and mercy.  In Jesus’ precious name.  Amen

“God is love.  Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.”       1 John 4:16

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.”                        1 John 3:16

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”            1 John 4:8

“Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar.”     1 John 4:20

“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”

                                 1 John 3:18

God loves us and wants a relationship with us.  God designed us to love others and to be in relationship with them.  Satan tries to convince us that God doesn’t really love us and that we can have love and relationships that are better than God’s plan for us. 

Don’t be deceived. 

“He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him.  When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”                           John 8:44

God and Satan want two different outcomes for you. 

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”       John 10:10

God wants you to spend eternity with him in heaven.  Satan wants you to keep him company in hell for eternity. 

I would love to hear from you.  Let’s share our master’s (God and Jesus’) joy with each other!

Not My Will, But Yours

For decades, I acted like I was God. I acted like I knew just what every person I loved needed from God. I had no idea what I needed, but I was confident I could fix anyone else; if they just listened to me.

When I prayed, I would go on and on about what they needed to change. I would ask God to give them patience or wisdom. I would ask God to fix what I perceived as their sins and/or shortcomings.

Bah hah hah!

I wonder what God thinks about my haughtiness! This is my basic sin. I set myself up in the position of God in my own life, and then the lives of the people who were closest to me.

If you shared a prayer request with me, I’d evaluate and judge, then start asking for what I believed was needed.

A 12-step program taught me to “Let Go and Let God.” It took some time, but eventually I added to the saying because it makes even more sense to me: “Let Go and Let God be God”.

I’m not God.

I must remind myself of this frequently because it’s easy for me to slip back into old, bad habits.

In Matthew 6:9, Jesus teaches us how to pray to God. We’re to ask for his will, not ours. So why was I giving God a laundry list of my will? Sinful pride. Blame shifting. A desire to control.

It’s funny how hard this simple thing is to do. People ask me to pray for specific things for specific people. When we do that, we’re putting limits on God. He can do and imagine so much more than we can! Stop telling God what to do! Get out of his way.

LORD God, you are incredible, always surprising me, always loving me. Thank you for all your creation, for the weird animals and the funny bugs. Thank you for your spectacular sunsets. I pray for your will to be done LORD, not mine. I pray you will keep me humble. LORD, thank you for providing for all the needs of my family and I ask that you continue to provide what we need, food, shelter, clothing, and relationships. LORD forgive me for the sins I’ve committed against you today. Please continue to remove my shortcomings as you give me the courage to face them. LORD, thank you for loving me in just the way I need. Please continue to protect me and my loved ones from Satan’s attacks. In your son Jesus’ name. Amen. Amen.

How Could a Loving God Allow This?

I understand why people ask this question.  I asked this question repeatedly, as a child. I was being victimized at the hands of my step-dad Dick.

Here’s the answer: 

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness.  Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.                                 2 Peter 3:9

God hasn’t returned because he’s giving us more time to get right with him. He wants every single one of us to spend eternity with him in heaven. Heaven will be the perfect place so many of us long for now.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.       Revelation 21:4

When God created Earth and everything in it, it was perfect. Man was perfect too. God created Adam and Eve and they lived in the Garden of Eden. They were naked but they felt no shame. They didn’t have to work to satisfy their needs. There was no pain. It didn’t last long because Satan twisted God’s words. Adam and Eve both chose to disobey God (sin) and ate the fruit God told them not to eat. Each subsequent human has had to decide whether to obey God.

Everything that’s wrong with the world is a result of our individual choices to sin.

Yes, God could have created mankind without the ability to sin. However, without the ability to choose, we become robots without the ability to have a relationship with another. That’s what God wants. A personal, individual relationship with each of his children.

I’m not going to lie.

I still wish I hadn’t gone through the bad parts of my childhood. I wish I hadn’t been so broken when I entered adulthood. I wish life was fair. I wish no child anywhere was ever cold, hungry, abused, hurt or hopeless. I don’t completely understand God’s plan, just a small portion. I fall into the trap of believing I would do things different (better) if I were God. And that’s just it! I’m not God. It’s sinful to put myself (or attempt to) above God. I’m a part of his creation. I have limits. I can’t see the future, I haven’t existed outside of time, I don’t know everything.

God is God and I trust him!

I also struggle at times. What if my step-father Dick is in heaven when I get there? Ugh! I don’t want him to be. I want him to be punished. Yet he may be and that’s between him and God. He may have repented of his sins before he died.

I’ve made some pretty awful mistakes (sins) in life. I’ve hurt people. What if they don’t want me to be in heaven when they get there? What if God listened to us and made his decisions about their eternal destination based on what we want? I might not be welcome. God knows our hearts in ways no one else can. I’m glad he’s the one who has the final say about my eternal home.

I choose to obey him in this area too. When I struggle with a desire to punish those who’ve sinned against me, I ask God to fix that shortcoming in me.

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.                     Romans 12:19

I Couldn’t Have Imagined This!

Thank You Father God!  With one plan, You’re blessing me, my nephews, my husband, my parents, and my brother and I’m sure the blessings spread beyond what I’ll ever know. 

It’s been a week and a half since I started coaching my nephews.  They’re 7 and 10 and were not succeeding in a traditional brick and mortar school.  I’m not here to bash teachers, there are good and bad apples in every barrel, but our education system is broken. 

I’d moved back to my hometown and was happily married.  My husband and I were attending a vibrant church with a loving Celebrate Recovery program.  I was working in child protection and we had more than adequate income and good health insurance coverage.  My husband was teaching me to hunt and I’d discovered it was fun to share his passion and I was reasonably good at it.  I envisioned us spending the rest of our lives loving each other, family, and forever family (fellow Christians).  I thought I was going to work right up to retirement.  All I wanted was God’s will for my life and I was asking him for a different job. 

The vertigo came on suddenly, taking me by surprise.  At first, I was just frustrated (I hate to be sick, period.)  I thought I’d be back to normal in a few days.  That hasn’t happened.  My health is preventing me from working and has basically turned me into a shut in.  I hate it.  I have no income.  I had to give up my position with the state because I couldn’t pay the health insurance premiums.  I can’t do normal things like house cleaning, grocery shopping, and personal care like I used to do; I have to find ways to accomplish these things with the help of family.  I felt like I wasn’t contributing to society.   

Because I haven’t been able to work for four months, the idea that I might serve as a Learning Coach appealed to me.  I was concerned I wouldn’t be able to do it, physically.  I want to be reliable.  After much prayer, much talk with my mother, and much research, I decided to commit to trying it out. 

Whoo boy!  My nephews are delivered to my home four mornings a week.  (I can’t drive right now.)  They’re always smiling and happy to arrive.  They each have a laptop and a seat at my dining room table and I sit between them while they do their online classes.  (Movement is a trigger.)  I clarify what needs to be done, answer questions, and try to keep them on task.  We eat a light, easy lunch:  sandwiches, pizza, leftovers, etc.  They don’t seem to notice when my symptoms get bad.  I hold still when I can, wall walk when I have to, lie down briefly when needed, and smile.  So far, so good.    

I’m blessed.  I get to contribute.  Even better than that, I get to spend time getting to know these marvelous young men.  I get to experience a wide range of emotions, including love (the younger nephew loves to hug and tell me he loves me, so sweet!), amusement (oh my gosh, they’re funny and the older nephew is exploring his gift of humor and testing what makes people laugh), boredom (yes, there are those moments when they’re both engaged in their lessons and I’ve nothing to do but wait), frustration (why can’t I find what I need easily on the school’s website?), fearful (can I handle this?), exhausted (sometimes I almost fall asleep during breaks and I’m not as productive on the weekends), grouchy (side effect of health issues and I try to keep it to myself), joyful (I love these guys!), optimistic and proud (it’s an amazing feeling when you realize they got a concept they were struggling with or are learning how to be students).  

My nephews are blessed to be taking online classes with teachers that are assigned to them, using technology to learn in a world that is technology-driven, with an aunt who loves them sitting next to them giving them tons of attention and love, and a family who loves them and works together to give them the best we can.   

In just a week and a half, I’ve been so challenged and I’ve learned so much about my nephews, my family, teachers, and myself.  I can’t wait to find out what will happen next!

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”                                    Ephesians 3:20

My Understanding Keeps Changing, He Doesn’t

I’ve believed in God for as long as I can remember.  My step-father taught me not to trust Him.

As a child, I understood God to be an angry man who hated me and wanted to punish me because He believed I was unlovable and unworthy. I believed this because my step-father was this way and he claimed to be a Christian.

In my mind’s eye, God was an old white man with a white beard and sandals.  He was red-faced with fury, hate and retribution.  He was looking forward to punishing. I was a sinner.  My best wasn’t good enough and He enjoyed tormenting me before He punished me.  I couldn’t trust Him.

After I started working a 12 step program, and had heard others describe their “Higher Power” as a tree or a group, I felt encouraged by God to see “My Higher Power” as a big, dark-skinned woman who gave the best hugs.  She smelled of yeast, cinnamon, vanilla and honeysuckle.  She was waiting for me in the kitchen, ready to listen to me pour out my troubles. She always had enough time.  She loved my sense of humor and was quick to laugh with me.  She made me feel loved and accepted.  She created me to be uniquely me.  I could trust Her.

I later read a copy of “The Shack” by William P. Young and was moved to tears by the author’s description of God.  I took it as confirmation that I was on the right path in my own journey toward learning to trust God again.

Today, God is my loving Creator who created everything out of nothing.  He desires a relationship with me, and every other human being.  God is love.  I am a sinner.  He has redeemed me by providing a plan for his son, Jesus Christ to die for me and all other sinners. 

My understanding of God continues to change and I trust the longer I seek His will for my life and read His scriptures, the more He will reveal about who He is and the more I’ll be able to comprehend.  He is not changing.  I can trust Him forever because He doesn’t change; however, my understanding keeps on growing.

“God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act?  Does he promise and not fulfill?” Numbers 23:19

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 

I pray for the same for you. 

The Most Important Thing About Me

As we’re getting to know each other, I feel it’s important to tell you the most important thing about me.

I love God! I have a personal, unique relationship with God! I’m HIs daughter. He has redeemed me through the sacrifice of His Son Jesus and I’ll be spending eternity with Him, in Heaven, when I leave the earth behind. He is healing me and using my brokenness to further His will.

I grew up in a “Christian” home. My mother and my step-father Dick both professed to be Christians. My mother’s actions were Christ-like. My step-father’s actions were evil. God intends for Christians to demonstrate to other people what He looks like through them. When they don’t behave in Christ-like ways, it skews the perceptions of those who are observing.

My step-father was not trustworthy and I mistakenly believed God wasn’t trustworthy either.

I accepted Christ as my Savior in the 3rd grade. I don't know how many times I was baptized: my home church, vacation bible school, church camps. I still wasn't perfect, so I didn't think it worked. I prayed asking God to fix my childhood home and nothing improved so I believed God didn't really love me and had failed me.

When I was 11, I remember God calling me to follow Him and be obedient to Him. I didn't trust Him so I told God I would do things my way.

God can use anyone. I have a girlfriend who didn't believe in God and He used her to tell me I might be codependent and might benefit from attending a 12-Step group.  God spoke to me in those rooms and I slowly let Him into my life and began to trust Him. I began to follow His promptings.

In 2015, I started attending church regularly and was deeply impacted by Christians who loved and accepted me. On August 23, 2015 I went to a church dinner. There was an invitation to accept Christ at the end of the evening and I couldn't get my hands up fast enough when asked if I wanted to make a decision to follow Christ. I wasn't getting saved again. I was surrendering to Christ for the first time.

I am convinced God loves and accepts me and I can trust Him with my life. 

These verses describe the change in me. "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2.