This week being a learning coach was mostly a blessing. Last week, it felt like a curse.
My 10 year old nephew Nathan is an everyday liar. I’ve learned through conversations with other adult family members that this has been a problem for years and Nathan continues even when caught blatantly lying. I hate being lied to. If you lie to me and I know it, I’m going to call you out.
This week, I remembered how much I lied at his age. I was distrustful of everyone and lied to protect myself. I’m like a reformed smoker who wants to force the rest of the world to stop. I’m a recovering Control Freak!
Nathan is lazy. He’ll ask me for scratch paper that is the same distance from me, as from him, expecting me to retrieve it with a sly grin on his face. I haven’t told Nathan he’s lazy: he told me “I’m lazy” while smirking. He consistently chooses what requires the least of him. He’s in a remedial reading course (in addition to his regular Language Arts) because I was concerned he may have missed some essentials previously. Yesterday, I observed him skipping through being read the stories and guessing at the answers until he hit upon the right one. He lied about it even though I was standing behind him as he did it and saw with my own eyes. It seems his reading skills problem is from his choice to do as little as possible.
This week, we talked about how the bible says a person who’s not willing to work, shouldn’t eat. We identified what Nathan’s work is school right now. I’ve begun seeking opportunities to praise extra effort, regardless of the end result. I’m a recovering Perfectionist, so I tend to be very harsh in my expectations and interactions.
Nathan is disrespectful of his elders. He argues with me every day. He uses sarcasm and insinuates a lack of intelligence. If I say get out your English book; he responds with a sneer in his voice, “Do you mean Language Arts?” If I tell him it’s time to take the test; he says “It’s a Quick Check.” When an adult says no, he demands to know why. He pulled the stitching out of one of my best chairs. He uses other people’s belongings without asking. He has strewn the contents of his school art kit about because he doesn’t put his belongings away unless I stand over him like a drill sergeant.
This week, I realized that the adults in my family may be talking about and treating each other in ways that are disrespectful in front of him. I have criticized the lesson content, the communication with people at the school, and the frequent class changes and cancellations in front of him. Our attitude is often that if someone disagrees with us, they lack intelligence. One of the things I said repeatedly in my former life was, “Stupid people annoy me!” I’ve started trying to change this behavior in myself.
Nathan rarely takes personal accountability for his actions. He told me “Everyone lies.” when I confronted him about a lie he had just told me. He has blamed shoddy schoolwork on myself and his grandmother. He blames low assessment grades on poorly written questions and not being taught the material. This week, we discussed the fact that we’re both Christians and will have to give an accounting to God someday and that God won’t want to hear what anyone else did when we’re discussing what we did.
This week I put up new verses and we talked about what they mean and how they apply to us. Luke 17:2 is my verse for the week, “It would be better for them (me) to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones (Nathan) to stumble.” As an adult Christian in my nephews life, I’m a representative of God. He learns who God is by observing who I am. If I don’t behave in a way which is deserving of respect; how is he supposed to respect God? If I use scripture (God’s word) to beat this child and fill him with shame; then he’ll believe God sees him as worthless and unredeemable.
Nathan came prepared to listen and do this week. He didn’t lie to me until Friday. He didn’t attempt to skip lesson material without permission until Friday. He suffered some natural consequences (instead of me trying to force a different behavior) for not following directions and had to use “free time” to complete some assignments he didn’t finish during assigned school time because he was stalling or refused to follow directions. I had many opportunities to praise him.
No comments:
Post a Comment