After the break up with Willie, I was out of control. My mom didn’t know what to do. I felt worthless, unlovable, used up. I began sleeping around and drinking to numb the pain. My mom called my biodad and arranged for my sister Tammi and I to go visit him for the summer.
My biodad lived in Georgia with his new wife Mini and their four children: Earl, Lizzie, Susan and Tommy. They lived in governmental subsidized housing. Beautiful brick homes in a lush, green setting with a wooded area where the neighborhood children played.
Biodad left the house most days and I assume he went to work. His wife stayed home with the children. There wasn’t a lot of adult supervision.
My sister Tammi and I stayed in the same room. One morning Mini came into the room and breathlessly asked if we wanted to smoke a Thai stick. I said sure. She told me to go ask the garbageman for a lighter. I ran off to catch the garbage truck before it left the neighborhood.
I spent a lot of time that summer with siblings, new and old. We hung out together in the woods. Other teens were there pressuring Tammi into trying marijuana for the first time. I took her aside and counseled her. I told her if she wanted to try it, that’s one thing, go ahead but if she was just doing it because the others were telling her to, she didn’t have to and shouldn’t give in to peer pressure.
I dated a young man in the neighborhood. We hung out together and began having sex. He gave me pills to take and I did, without knowing what they were. He took me to the next state over to a seedy motel and tried to talk me into marrying him. Thank God I chickened out.
I was at my boyfriend’s house when the younger children came running to get me because my biodad was beating his wife Mini up. I ran back to their house. My biodad had Mini cornered in the living room and was punching her in the face. I brought the children back outside and waited for the police to do their thing. My biodad was arrested. I’ll never forget Mini asking me, her 16 year old step-daughter what she should do. I told her I’d never let a man beat me like that. She replied that she loved him. He had knocked her two front teeth through the flesh of her chin and she had a ragged, bloody gash from it.
Grandma Pearl, biodad’s mom, came to get us and take us back to Indiana with her. She took the girls, myself, Tammi, Lizzie and Susan. She left the boys. At some point, Mini spoke with my mother and told her I was out of control and could no longer stay there! Grandma’s home was completely different, full of love and laughter, well kept, with family photos covering the living room wall.
The first time Aunt Lizzie came to see us at Grandma’s, I asked her to check Susan’s hair for lice and told her that Susan frequently scratched her head. Aunt Lizzie was a beautician and one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever known. Aunt Lizzie checked but didn’t see anything. Later, we were all watching television and Susan fell asleep on the floor in front of us. She started scratching in her sleep. I pointed it out to Aunt Lizzie. When Aunt Lizzie checked again, she found them. Hordes of them. Tammi and I had them too.
Grandma Pearl called Mini and told her about the lice. Mini told Grandma it was no big deal, the kids get them every year. Her solution was to shave the boys’ heads and put mayonnaise on the girls. Lizzie and Susan went back home. I remember sitting on the floor with newspaper in my lap while I ran the fine-toothed comb that came with the Quell shampoo. The lice would fall onto the paper unmoving and after a little bit, they’d start to squirm. Blech! I cried and cried.
I didn’t see my biological father again for 10 years.
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