My Pity Pot

I’m feeling so overwhelmed by my emotions right now.  I’m exhausted.  I cry at the drop of the hat.  I become frustrated in the blink of an eye.  I’m distraught. 

I want to curl up in a ball under a thick, warm blanket and cry until I have no tears left.  I’m so sad about the current state of my life.

Vertigo has stolen my ability to work, my income, my independence, my ability to get my own groceries, my ability to get in my car and drive myself to the library, the bank, or to lunch with a friend. 

I’m worn out from the symptoms.  I’m tired of fighting with my primary care “physician” to get the referrals my husband and I need.  I’m tired of hearing “it’s normal” in regards to tests when nothing in my life is normal any more.  I’m bored to tears but too tired to figure out something to do. 

Wah, wah, wah.  I need to just cry this out.  

I want to feel good again.  I don’t have any bread or pizza that my nephews like left in the house.  I can’t go to the grocery store myself to purchase more.  I can’t bake any more homemade bread because I don’t have any yeast and can’t drive myself to the store.  I could order grocery pickup but can’t use my SNAP card for that and don’t have any income right now.  I want to read a good book but can’t get to the library and the daily headaches make reading and concentrating difficult.  I would love to scrapbook some photos but don’t have anywhere to do it in my home.  I’d love to spend a day hunting but by the time I’ve loaded us up, I’m so dizzy I need to take medication but the medication knocks me out for 24 hours and it’s really hard to look for game when you’re asleep.

I’d love to have lunch out with a friend but I’m unable to drive myself and I hate asking because what if they say yes when they really want to say no?  I’d love to invite a friend over for coffee but what if I’m too dizzy to concentrate well enough to engage in a conversation? 

I don’t want to cry, really I don’t.  I can’t stand pessimistic people who can’t see the positive in life, but at the moment.  I got nothing nice to say and I’m just going to sit here on my pity pot and cry awhile. 

I’ll write when I’m capable but I’m no longer promising to try to do it daily.  I can’t meet that goal.