Here's A Peek Inside

The idea for this blog occurred to me midday yesterday; but by the end of the day, I was too tired to write it.  It's too good.  I'm doing it today.  I'm going to give you a peek into the inside of my mind.  This is how my mind works.  These are some of my thoughts, captured for you.  I'm going to focus on one tiny iota of the universe of thoughts that go on inside my head at any given moment.

What miracles we are!

What if I tried to explain how checklists fit into my life.  I remember writing lists as early as 11 years of age when I started babysitting and earning my own money.  I made lists of how I planned to spend it.  I usually have a list at hand.  It helps keep me engaged in activities that move me toward my goals.

Oh yeah, yesterday I was reminiscing about my neighbors at Edwards Air Force Base, California and that I should write a blog about them, Barelas and Wendy.

My lists help me feel like I'm accomplishing something.

I'd been getting an increasing number of migraines and my neurologist put me on Topiramate. The side effects of Topiramate include insomnia, hyperactivity, confusion, anger, blah, blah, blah.  I got em.  I'm waiting to see my doctor again because I don't want to stop taking it!  Oh, the migraines were so bad and day after day after day.  That is no way to live!

In order to make this realistic, I've promised myself, I won't go back and make changes because it doesn't make sense.  This is my mind, sometimes it doesn't make sense.

I usually have a list.  If I don't have a list, I wander aimlessly and nothing much gets done.  People comment often on how organized I am.  My secret is that I have to be organized in my exterior because there is chaos within!

I've believed I have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) since I educated myself about it when my 5-year-old son was diagnosed with it.  I was horrified at first.  I didn't want it.  I didn't want my son to have it.  And yet, I recognized us within the pages.  I've never been diagnosed by a doctor.  I never felt the need.  Like many females with it, I learned coping skills and didn't need medical intervention.

FUCK!  The voices in my head!  My voices!  The voices in my head won't shut up!  They're all chattering at the same time!  And they can't be heard.  And they know it.  So they're all increasing their voluME.  ANE NOWW!  THEY"RE ALL YELLLINGGG!!!

They're a dozen different ideas pulling my thoughts toward a dozen different directions.

BREATHE!!!!

Breathe!

breathe.

When I got up today I knew I was going to write a blog on this topic tonight.

I wake up.  I get up to go to the bathroom.  My husband asks me how I am.  I don't answer.  I've explained many times that I don't immediately know how I am and I don't want to wake up enough when all I need to do is pee and come back to bed.  I come back to bed.  I wake and roll over a few times.  I wake and become engaged in a program on television.  When it ends, I get up.  It's noon.  We don't normally stay in bed this late, but we did today.  I made coffee. I looked at my checklists for yesterday, which was Sunday, and today.  I chose the 10 items I wanted to accomplish today.  They were:

1.  Wash bedspreads at the laundromat
2.  Whipstitch hall curtain 
3.  Banana pie
4.  Drop off at FedEx 9-5
5.  Vacuum house
6.  Finishing touches on the guest room
7.  Brownies
8.  Get rid of old veggies in frig
9.  Blog-my mind
10. Photo org

I'm very excited because my sisters-in-law are coming this Saturday.  Cathy lives nearby in Phoenix and is coming for the weekend with her husband.  Debbie used to live in the same town as us but has moved to Texas and is visiting us for a time.  I love her like she's my flesh and blood.  

Whatever is going on in my brain seems to have the same characteristics as ADHD, little glitches, or potholes, where the communication bundle, or thought package goes missing, or more often is just temporarily delayed.  

I've been trying to figure out how to use my Amazon Prime Amazon Drive and Amazon Photos and Microsoft OneDrive benefits to organize my family photos.  I'm also trying to get all my cell phone photos onto a Cloud program so I can get a new cell phone as the current one has been broken for a year.  I accidentally had photos of my ex in a slideshow on the bedroom television of My Sugar Bear and my Love Shack.  Yikes!  It's fixed.  And I organized some more photos.  I also moved photos from OneDrive to Amazon Photos, so that's cool.  Now if I could just figure out how to retrieve my photos from the broken Verizon phone...I miss Cricket.  

I have to blog about that thing Mom was talking about on Sunday.  That's crazy!  I need to talk to her about that.  I hope she's okay.  Shoot.  Too late to call now.  I wouldn't think a fitting would be painful, just weird.  Maybe I should send her a get well card.  LOL.  I should definitely blog about it.  I can't believe Kathie Lee Gifford isn't joking about that!

I should also blog about Mrs. White.  Right?  Right.  

I sent my sister a text asking if one of her new granddaughters has a birthday on February 5, like one of mine.  I wrote notes in my medical notebook about my sinus issues and psoriasis.  A friend stopped in to visit with my husband. 

At four, I loaded a boxed up broken printer and two dirty bedspreads on the side by side and left.  I refueled at the Gas 'N Grub.  I took the box to the FedEx drop off location.  I returned home to pick up soap.  I took the bedspreads to the laundromat and washed them then returned home to dry them.  Eddie's six pm timer was going off when I got home.    

Every time I see "call attorney" on my list of things to do, I'm uncertain whether or not I should do it, I've decided I want to blog about it. 

I baked the pie crust.  I dusted the guest room.  I placed a tablecloth on the table.  Put the bedspread on.  Put the finishing touches on the guest room.  Vacuumed the entire house.  Changed out the bag.   

Helped Eddie in the kitchen.  I sliced up some bananas.  Whipped some pudding, milk, and cool whip together.  Put it in a pie shell.  Put the banana pie in the frig to cool.  Reheated some homemade broccoli and cheese soup.    

Took a call with our sons and their children. Discussed details of the upcoming vacation!  Such exciting news! 

Spooned up some banana pie, it wasn't set yet.  

Made a warm ham and cheese sandwich and ate it while I wrote this blog.  

It's the end of the day and much later than my usual bedtime, this is what is still on my list.  Remember when I said I chose 10 for the day?  Well, it so happens that even though I left 3 of those 10, I completed 12 things that didn't make the top ten list.  I also did many, many things not on the list, ever.  

1.  Whipstitch hall curtain 
2.  Brownies
3.  Get rid of old veggies in the frig

Anyway, thanks for coming along for the ride.  The pie still hasn't set.  Lol.