Moving to Humboldt County

My son Fergus told me that he was moving to California with his girlfriend Joanna and my granddaughters. Joanna’s parents were offering to help set them up and Fergus would be able to work in their business.

Joanna’s mother hated Fergus so much she chose not to attend the birth of her second granddaughter because Fergus was there. Mrs. Hope had been working in property management in the same state we lived in but her husband had told her she needed to retire and return to their home in Humboldt County. He insisted.

Mrs. Hope had met her husband while he was a pastor and still married to his first wife. He left wife number one to marry Mrs. Hope.

I begged Fergus to reconsider when he told me her parents were illegal drug farmers in Humboldt County and had work for himself and his girlfriend, their daughter Joanna. I pointed out that the business is not only illegal but highly dangerous. I asked him if he realized he’d be in California away from his own family supports and surrounded by her large family. Fergus told me they would make a lot of money, enough to support their family and moved.

I’ve disagreed with marijuana criminalization since I’ve been an adult; however, illegal is illegal, and I don’t condone breaking the law. My biggest concern was the inherent danger involved. Humboldt County has the largest number of missing persons reported out of all California counties.

Fergus and Joanna claimed they would make good money working for her parents; however, they’re all broke. They started off living in a decent little home, which was older but charming. Fergus and Joanna seemed to bounce between being flush with cash or completely broke. They asked me for financial assistance on more than one occasion. I eventually stopped making loans to them when they didn’t pay them back.

They had to leave the house they were staying in when $100,000 was stolen from them in a drug deal gone bad. They had to move from their modest home into a travel trailer with their four children.

Joanna continued to work as a drug mule for her parents, taking their product across state lines. At this time, she may be unable to do this for them since she has suffered some mental health issues related to illegal drug use. Fergus is no longer involved in this business.

I don’t understand how parents can ask their child to do something illegal, which if caught could get her prison time. If you love your child, don’t you do everything possible to keep them safe? I understand they’re adults, but it’s hard to say no to your parents even if you’re grown. How can Christian parents raise their children to lie, cheat and break the law? This is not the fruit the bible says true Christians will exhibit.

I realize this is hearsay and there’s probably a lot I don’t know. This account is what I believe happened.

No Picky Eaters Here

So, this mama doesn’t play the picky eater game. I didn’t learn to cook until after I got pregnant with my first child. I started off trying to eat well while I was pregnant with him and I began to try recipes in my own kitchen. When my baby Fergus was ready for food, I started making his baby food.

Easy really, don’t introduce too many new food items at a time because you want to be able to recognize and identify any food allergies. Second, don’t add spices as babies’ tummies aren’t ready yet.

As he got older, I tried more and more recipes. I didn’t want my child eating a bunch of pre-packaged stuff over which I had no control over its quality. Every time I tried something new, I required him to try one bite. That became my rule, if it’s the first time you’ve been offered it, try a bite. If you don’t like it, that’s fine, politely explain you don’t like it and you won’t be required to take more.

When my son was around five years old, the next-door neighbor and her husband separated and began divorce proceedings, they had a little girl who ran the roost. Her mother was always feeding her canned raviolis, and macaroni and cheese. Her mother said the little girl wouldn’t eat anything else. I suggested to Stormy (the little girl’s mother) that perhaps she should start implementing rules now, so her child didn’t grow to be a teen who didn’t think any rules applied to her. Stormy disagreed.

She asked me to babysit her child so she could go out on a date. I told her I’d love to watch her little girl and I explained I would not be fixing something special for her. I told Stormy I would serve her a plate of the same food I was feeding my son and if she didn’t eat it, that was her choice. Skipping one meal would not injure her child. She apparently didn’t believe me because she brought raviolis when she brought her daughter over.

When it was dinnertime, I placed a plate in front of her with a few bites of fish, some mashed potatoes, and some peas. She said she didn’t want it. She wanted raviolis. I explained I wasn’t going to make raviolis but there was a plate of food in front of her. I asked her to try the food. She refused. She cried for a while. I stood my ground. Eventually, she got hungry enough to try the food. Surprise! She liked it and asked for more, which I gave to her.

This is the avenue I’m taking with my nephews. They haven’t encountered a person who won’t fix them whatever they want. (Grandmas are allowed to feed their grandbabies anything they want.)

Don’t get me wrong, if I know you don’t like cilantro, I’m not going to add it to the meal I invite you over to share with me. I love to feed the people I love. I love to cater to them in a loving way. It’s my belief that it’s a good thing to try different foods and cuisines. Variety is the spice of life. All things in moderation.

Having said that, I’m kind of a picky eater. I don’t like cooked salmon, but I love salmon sushi. I don’t like Spam or brisket, too salty. I don’t care for the taste of lamb. I don’t like dove. I don’t like the texture or taste of steak. I don’t want to eat anything that looks like it did when it was alive, so no fish with the scales on and the eyeballs in. Eeeew! I like fish if it’s not too fishy. I don’t like mussels. I don’t care for the taste, smell or feel of chitterlings. I don’t care for eggplant, but I wish I did because they’re beautiful. I can’t stand Brussel sprouts, but cabbage is good: bok choy is even better. Black eyed peas taste like dirt.

Things I like include chicken and pork. Javalina is delicious when cooked right and it’s not that hard! I like deer that’s not too gamey and if it is, I just blend it with beef. Elk meat is delicious! I like rabbit and goose. Lobster soaked in butter in Boston is yummy. I love rockfish. I love potatoes, peas, carrots, green beans, beets and asparagus. Spinach and kale are yummy, but I can’t have much because I get kidney stones.

I’m so proud of my nephews. They are very opinionated about what they do and don’t like. They have been great sports about trying new dishes Aunt Maria offers them. Sometimes they take a bite and politely decline. Other times, they try it and ask for more and more.

The Destruction of a Family

Since Ariel’s birth, Fergus and Joanna’s relationship has deteriorated as Joanna realized Fergus is not going to marry her even though they share a child together. She’s always been a brusque woman. She’s emotionally damaged from a bad relationship with her mother. Her mother is very controlling. Joanna ran away from home as a young teen. Although she returned, their relationship is strained.

Joanna became verbally abusive to my son after she realized he was not going to marry her. Thanksgiving 2015, Fergus and Joanna brought the girls to Washington state to celebrate with myself and my other adult son Samson. Samson lived closest to the restaurant Joanna chose for our shared meal, so we all stayed with him. He didn’t have enough bedrooms, so most of us slept in the living room. Joanna was on the couch and I was in a sleeping bag on the floor. In the middle of the night, I was wakened by Joanna yelling at Fergus to come get Ariel to change her diaper and how she had been up all night changing diapers for the girls and taking kids to the bathroom while he did nothing. Fergus responded in a reasonable tone and reported there were no dirty diapers in the trash; so her claim was untrue and he was up and taking care of the dirty diaper. Joanna continued to loudly berate him; despite the fact that it was the middle of the night, the diaper was being changed, and there was a household of sleeping relatives and their four children she was disturbing with her tirade.

Joanna started attempting to control me through phone calls and texts demanding that I assist her in controlling Fergus and making him do what she wanted. I explained to her on many occasions she can only control herself and she needed to identify her part in the problems in their relationship and fix her part, because that’s what she could control. This frustrated her a great deal. At one point, she decided I was a horrible person and would not allow me to even talk to my granddaughters on the phone. She called me a drug pusher for following doctor’s recommendations when Fergus was a child to treat his ADHD, stating that I’d given him meth. She sent me unsolicited private details about their sex life. She sent random texts to Samson’s girlfriend telling her how to raise her child and to stay out of Joanna’s business.

In late 2016, Fergus informed me they were living in a travel trailer and Joanna had decided she wanted to have sex with other men in the trailer while Fergus watched their children. He was not agreeable to that plan. He also indicated she was using illegal drugs intravenously and hiding the needles in the woods around her parents’ home. She was shooting up in her legs and was telling people the bruising she was causing was because he was getting physical with her. Fergus became homeless when she moved the trailer to her parents’ property and kicked him out. He was very concerned about her erratic behaviors and the effects on the girls.

Joanna disappeared in 2017 while on a business trip for her parents in another state. Neither Fergus, nor her parents, nor her daughters knew how to get in touch with her. She was eventually found in a mental health hospital recovering from the effects of illegal drug use. During this time, Fergus went to court to get custody of his daughters back because Joanna’s parents had them and would not return them to Fergus or even allow visitation. Fergus was unable to get custody of Carmen because she is not his biological or legal child, despite parenting and loving her for years. He was awarded full custody of the other three girls: Amiya, Beatrice and Ariel. Fergus has made certain the girls have a relationship with their mother and their maternal grandparents and extended family.

Joanna returned to California but wasn’t mentally able to parent. She left the state a second time to go to rehabilitation in another state. For the second time in their young lives, the girls’ mother disappeared with no way for them to contact her. She returned the end of 2018 and told Fergus she was planning to marry someone she met during her last extended period away from her children.

She has no job, no home and limited mental functioning. Fergus made certain she spent time with the girls and was in the process of setting up supervised visitation when she filed a motion requesting an order of protection claiming he has stolen from her and raped her.

It’s safe to say this family has been destroyed by drugs and addictions.

Another Day in Court

Fergus is an amazing dad. He’s affectionate. He’s in constant teaching mode, using everyday moments to educate his daughters. He shops organic food and feeds them healthy, colorful, tasty food he creates himself from scratch. He takes them on adventures in the outdoors frequently. He maintains extended family relationships. The girls are well cared for emotionally and physically. They are well loved. They want for nothing. For the last year, he has had full physical and legal custody of Amiya, Beatrice and Ariel.

Joanna, his ex, has no job, no home, and seems to have cognitive damage caused by drug use. She’s living in a car someone purchased for her. She has attempted to use manipulation, sex and children to control and coerce Fergus into doing what she desires. However, that has not stopped her from filing an order of protection with the courts alleging Fergus of burglary, theft, and rape. Fergus found out about the order and the allegations when he as at the courthouse researching what he needed to do to ask the court to require mediation for the purpose of determining appropriate, supervised visitation.

He couldn’t tell if he could, legally, have the girls with him. He contacted the police and they told him the order had not been granted and they had an upcoming court date to go over the allegations. A few days later, he’s taking Beatrice to a school Christmas presentation, when Joanna shows up with a police officer who told Fergus the order was granted, and he had to turn custody over. He did. The following day, he turned Ariel over to Joanna.

They had court this week.

Since Ariel’s birth, Fergus and Joanna’s relationship has deteriorated as Joanna realized Fergus is not going to marry her even though they share a child together. Joanna became verbally abusive to my son, she kicked him out and moved their travel trailer to her parent’s property.

In early 2017, Joanna left the girls with her parents and went on a business trip for them to Idaho. She did not return when expected and was missing for months. Joanna was eventually found in a hospital where she’d been put after being discovered along the side of a road, unable to tell anyone who she was or what was wrong with her. This was apparently the result of extensive drug use. While she was missing, her parents refused to allow access to the girls for my son or myself. When I called, they refused to call back and the one or two occasions they did answer, they hung up on me.

Fergus went to court on multiple occasions to get custody of Amiya, Beatrice, and Ariel as Joanna’s parents refused to return them to him. Mr. and Mrs. Hope have not allowed Carmen to have contact with myself, and only limited contact with her sisters. Fergus encouraged contact between the girls and their mother’s extended family. He did not bring kidnapping charges against Mr. and Mrs. Hope when they refused to return his daughters to him, even after ordered to do so by the court.

Joanna eventually returned to California. She was mentally unable to appropriately care for her children. She was living in the travel trailer on her parent’s property. Fergus allowed as much contact between her and the girls as possible, while maintaining their safety. Joanna would contact Fergus and tell him they needed to get together to talk about the girls, he would pick her up and she would refuse to speak to him, sitting in silence as if catatonic for hours in restaurants, on his couch, and even on the sidewalk in front of his residence. During this time, she sent me a letter of apology with artwork from my granddaughters telling me she would call. She thanked me for my son and told me she loved me. She never called and when I sent a reply, it was returned undeliverable.

Joanna took off again in 2018 to go to treatment in another state. She only recently returned to California. Both times Joanna disappeared for lengthy periods of time, she left no way for her daughters to maintain contact with her.

Fergus has tried to treat Joanna with dignity and respect, and even gave her financial support he didn’t owe her. He put a deposit on a motel room, so Joanna had a place to stay since her parents have her ex living in the trailer on their property and aren’t willing to have her live in their home.

Joanna appeared at court unprepared and the judge granted her a continuance even though Fergus was ready with his evidence. Their next court date isn’t for about 3 weeks.

A Tribe of Girls…and Fergus

I have an amazing son who’s 32 years old. His name is Fergus Anthony Reed-Gilliland. He’s never been married. He has five daughters: Carmen, Amiya, Rose, Beatrice and Ariel who are all under the age of 9. He’s pursuing an engineering degree while maintaining a household as a single dad.

Carmen is not his biological daughter. She is his ex-girlfriends Joanna Hope Jr’s. Fergus met Joanna in Idaho at a call center they were both working at. He was expecting his first biological child with his girlfriend Ruby. Joanna was married and expecting her first child. After Carmen and Amiya were born, Joanna and her husband separated and got divorced. Ruby relapsed when Amiya was 3 months old and began using meth again, toting Amiya around with her. Fergus found out and left Ruby, taking his child with him. Joanna moved in with Fergus.

It was an odd arrangement because Fergus stated repeatedly how they were just good friends who were pooling their resources to raise their children better. They were friend with benefits that started in the bedroom and touched all the other areas of their lives. Joanna told me repeatedly how much she loved him and wanted to marry him. She asked for my help and I schemed with her to try to convince him they should make a lifetime commitment. I did. My BAD! He never changed his mind and they never married, which potentially drove her to madness.

Fergus met a stripper named Ramona and began dating her. She got pregnant. During her pregnancy, it became apparent she is schizophrenic. I gave her clothing to wear during her pregnancy and supported her in every way I could. She was from the East Coast and had a strained relationship with her mother. Her father flew out to check on her right before the baby was born because she’d been admitted to a mental health facility. The three of us met for dinner and that’s the last time I saw her. She had Rose and went back to live with her parents. She never called me after the baby was born. We stayed in touch on Facebook for a while. Eventually, her anger with Fergus for not committing to her caused her to break all contact between him and his family. Me. I’m heartbroken at not being in Rose’s life.

Within a month of Ramona getting pregnant, I was talking to Fergus and told him if he was still having sex with Joanna, he’d better wrap it up because otherwise she might get pregnant on purpose. He informed me it was too late, she was pregnant. During Joanna’s pregnancy, she confessed to me that Fergus might not be the father as she had sex with her ex to get back at Fergus impregnating and continuing to date Ramona. Fergus explained he was committed to Joanna’s child and his name would be put on the birth certificate regardless of who was the biological father. Although I don’t understand his decision, I’ve supported it. Joanna’s mother, Joanna Sr. hated Fergus and told Joanna if he was at the birth, she wouldn’t be there. I attended the birth, Joanna Sr. did not. Due to ethnic considerations, it was obvious Beatrice was not Fergus’ biological child. Beatrice has my middle name and, more importantly, my heart. My son has been her father from her birth.

Fergus and Joanna moved to California to be close to her family. Ariel was conceived and is the biological daughter of Fergus and Joanna Jr. So out of the five girls my son has been father to, three are his biologically, two are not. Of the two who are not, one is legally.

The relationship of the parents has fallen apart because Fergus won’t marry Joanna. She chose to abuse illegal drugs intravenously and is not mentally able to provide for their basic needs now.

Carmen is with Joanna’s parents as she has no biological parent able to care for her and they won’t allow Fergus to parent her. Amiya is with Fergus. Rose is with her mother in parts unknown. Beatrice and Ariel are with their mother in California pending a court hearing to return them to Fergus’ care.

Carmen, Amiya, Beatrice, and Ariel belong together. They’re sisters. They’re beautiful, energetic, intelligent, inquisitive, spinning princesses who love each other and their daddy deeply. They have gigantic personalities which dad encourages by loving them and spending time with them.