Smiley Faces Don’t Make it Sweet

So I received a group text addressed to myself and my sisters from my niece, Lily.  My brother Adam is turning 50 this year.  Lily’s flying in to surprise Adam.  Then she’s driving him 2 hours away to drive a race car but she doesn’t want him to know until they get to the race track.  Then she wants to surprise him with a dinner attended by friends, coworkers, and family.  She’s asking for at least $20 toward the race car and the type of car and amount of laps depend on how much we all pitch in.  She ended the post with “PLEASE DONT TELL!”. 

This says a lot about how my family has communicated historically. 

I’ve worked very hard to rid myself of gossip.  (Please see my previous posts on the subject.)  To my knowledge, I’m the only person in my family who has admitted I was guilty of gossiping. 

Eleven minutes later I received another message from Lily which stated she had sent me a long, group text regarding her father’s birthday.  She wrote, “Can you be sure to not talk about it to anyone other than your sisters?”  She stated she wants to tell everyone “in a timely manner (smiley face) word gets out fast and it has to be a surprise”. 

I was deeply hurt by this communication.  What makes her think I’m still a gossip?  I’ve not divulged any of her secrets.  Nor have I divulged anyone else’s stories to her. 

I responded to her group text that my husband and I will contribute and attend the dinner if our health permits. 

I responded to her private message to me.  I asked her not to share anymore secrets with me if she believes she can’t trust me with them. 

Ironically, Lily is the only person in my family who has attempted to get me to share someone else’s story (GOSSIP) with her, without that person’s permission.  She tried to manipulate me emotionally at first because she’s related to the person.  Then, she attempted to justify her demand for information because it’s unhealthy to keep secrets.  That may be so, but gossip is still gossip and I’m not going to participate.  He has a right to decide whether or not he shares his story.  If I respect him, I’ll respect his right to decide what he wants to make public or keep private.  She has to make her own choice.

Now, she’s saying she sent the second text to everyone because she “just wanted to say it separately to everyone”.  Which either highlights the fact that gossip has been a family problem or is her attempt to justify her accusatory text (smiley faces don’t make it sweet).